Ben + Susannah

Pregnancy Announcement Photos!!

2012-01-27T10:57:00.000-05:00

*Thanks, Sharon, for taking these pictures for us in downtown Greensboro, NC!*

More posts to come on how incredibly happy and blessed we feel :)

Personalized Ultrasound Picture Frame

2012-01-24T20:20:00.000-05:00

Prominently framing one of Eleanor's last ultrasound pictures has been on my mind for about a month now, and today I found the perfect frame for the project I had in mind at Michael's (so it turned out to be 40% off, too!)

It was perfect timing because Ben is out of town for a few days and I always get more emotional, sad, lonely, etc., etc.... when he's away.

So, as long as my loved ones were on my mind and I was missing them anyway, I may as well set to work on the craft project I've been planning for weeks!

Materials:

Glue gun w/ glue sticks
Buttons (or ribbon, or other decorations)
Picture frame (with a flat-ish edge or grove for the decorations to fit into)
Baby picture

I was so excited to find bags of tiny buttons in shades of green and blue. That is exactly what I had wanted to use, and never dreamed I would get so lucky! I chose these colors because I think Eleanor would love green and blue the most, and they match the balloons we released at her funeral. (I know I've promised funeral pictures, but I'm still not ready. Sorry!)

Gluing the buttons on was so easy, so fast, didn't need to be too precise or careful, and I used way less of the buttons than I thought I would so I have extras in case I do a follow-up project ;)

Finished product!

I added her photo to our family wall, and rearranged the pictures already there so that she is underneath a picture of a statue of a mother and her child I took during our honeymoon in Nicaragua.

She's also right beside the frame that used to have an engagement photo of us looking really goofy into the camera. Ben chose that picture of us to add to her casket, and I haven't replaced it. I may one day, but for now I don't mind the reminder. I like that her pic is beside the empty frame now... We gave ours to her, she gave hers to us!

I feel so wonderful that I've done this. I love that I will see her everyday. I love that the matting makes her photo prominent. I love that the frame is simple but personalized and fun for her. I love that she is added to our family wall.

I am so happy!

How Ben's Mind Works...

2012-01-21T12:48:00.000-05:00

Ben: "I don't think it's a good idea for me to study next to the kitchen."
Suz: "It's ok since we don't have any food."
Ben: "What we do have is junk food!"
Suz: "There is plenty of healthy snack food. Eat raisins, soy nuts, bread with Nutella..."
Ben: "White bread is bad for you."
Suz: "But this bread is fortified. It's the bread of the Olympics or something."
Ben: "Really?"
Suz: "Actually the SEC."
Ben: "Securities and Exchange Commission?"
Suz: confused expression
Ben: "What else could SEC mean?"
Suz: "Southeastern Conference! It's football! I thought you were making a joke!"
Ben: "Oh. Well I'm studying accounting right now. What do you expect?"
Suz: laughing hysterically... "Can I blog about this?"
Ben: "Yes. This needs to be shared."

Flowers for Eleanor

2012-01-18T19:10:00.001-05:00

I hope one of you gets the title... Danny, maybe?

Eleanor's official marker finally came in in December! The cemetery has been really understanding with us, and filled the attached bronze vase with a beautiful set of violet flowers, then exchanged it for a large Christmas tree, but now it's our turn to honor our little angel our way!

We had a fun discussion about what we would like to keep at El's grave. We thought about taking the vase off and putting an angel garden statue or heavy-duty animal in the space, but removing the vase doesn't actually seem like an option, after all. All of the graves here are flat with these vases, so you just see a field of flower plumes across the yards. Most of the flowers are fake, placed, then forgotten so there are pieces of disintegrating flower flowing in the wind and scattered across the grass constantly.

We did not want Eleanor's to get as unruly, but I can't guarantee I'll always have fresh flowers, or how long we'll live here to bring them. When we eventually leave, what could we put in place that wouldn't look so terrible in a few months?

The final (for now) answer came from something we already have in our house. I have had a vase from my mom for years that I've filled with beautiful glass flowers that I've collected from antique stores across the country (and packed and traveled with very carefully, I might add!) We decided the glass flowers from our own living room would be perfect for the grave marker-- permanent, beautiful, classy-- so us!

I ordered a set of replacement glass flowers for the vase, but we ended up using the ones I purchased for Eleanor, instead. Her vase is short, and we were worried that my longer-stemmed flowers would freeze and break more easily than the shorter-stemmed ones that we ordered.

Just to make sure you really appreciate the final product, let's go through the process of Eleanor's grave...

Blank plot (with straw) for months....

Temporary marker...

Permanent marker...

Permanent marker with hand-picked glass flowers + an LED light provided by Grammy!

Isn't it gorgeous?!?!?!?!?!?!

(P.S. Flowers for Algernon was one of my favorite books growing up.)

If you give a pig a pancake...

2012-01-11T16:26:00.001-05:00

A little story about the way my mind works. This was a conversation Ben and I had about a week ago while yelling down the stairs at each other when I was brushing my teeth and he was working downstairs...

"I'm so glad you texted me when you were at General Conference 3 years ago."

"Umm... Good. What made you think of that?"

"I was brushing my teeth and saw the earrings mom gave me for my birthday on the counter...

"and started wondering why I hadn't brought them with us to Chicago to wear at Betsy's sealing. Then I remembered that I couldn't wear them because I was planning to wear my skirt with the gold sequins...

"That made me think about how much I love sparkles and how much sparkly things I own...

"but that I only wear my sparkly stuff when I need to cheer myself up, I'm nervous, or am celebrating something really big, like when I wore that same skirt my first Sunday back to the single's ward after my mission (which you noticed immediately) and for our engagement pictures...

"That reminded me that I bought my sequin All Stars the day before Thanksgiving 2009 and wore them with my dress for Thanksgiving dinner because I was sad that we were separated during our first holiday dating...

"Which reminded me that we had even started dating because you kept trying to stay in contact me while I was traveling, which started with the random text message during General Conference. So, thank you for texting me. I'm so glad you did :)"

"I don't want to give a pig a pancake!"

A Special Sealing in Chicago

2012-01-05T11:30:00.000-05:00

{Photos courtesy of the photographer, my SIL Sarah!}

The reason for our trip to Wisconsin was to drive with Steve and Tamara to Chicago (just 2 hours away) to celebrate the sealing of Ben's sister, Betsy, with his side of the family.

To be completely honest (this is me, after all), I was sort of apprehensive about this trip. I am beyond happy for Betsy (and her now-husband, Brad), but we had not originally planned to be present at their sealing. It was scheduled for December 28, and Eleanor was due to be born on December 15. We expected her to be late (not 3 months early!), and I said early on that I knew I wouldn't want to fly across the country or drive with an infant so soon after having a baby, especially in flu season. We were happy for Betsy, and really sad to expect to miss her special day.

One blessing from El's early appearance was that we were, suddenly, available to travel for Betsy's sealing. We did really wanted to be there, but I was concerned that the dissolving of our original expectations would cast a shadow over our trip. I was worried during the days leading up to the sealing that it would remind me of our change in plans, but I am so happy to report that there was nothing but love and joy on that amazing morning!

In fact, I was {literally} sobbing from joy during the entire ceremony! Ben and I planned our sealing around Betsy coming home from her LDS mission to Temple Square in April, 2010. It was important to us to have her there-- "waiting for Betsy" was sort of the joke around our whole engagement and marriage planning, in fact! She flew directly into Columbia and we were sealed the next day. I was worried that we were raining on her Coming Home parade (everyone deserves their own special moment after such a huge accomplishment), but Betsy handled it so well and told us afterward, "It meant so much to me to see my whole family together in the temple just after coming home from serving the Lord. Thank you."

Well, Betsy, it meant so much to me to witness the sealing of a couple in love and to hear and remember the marriage covenants in the most spiritual place on Earth so soon after losing our daughter! Thank you!

I can not express how beautiful the spirit was, and how comforting. I was reminded so strongly of the love Ben and I share, and how incredibly grateful I am that we made the decision to be sealed for time and all eternity before we had children (though a family can still be sealed together forever after a death, of course). You can't plan the future- there was no way for us to know we wouldn't live with our angel. But Heavenly Father knew, and, years ago, restored the Priesthood- the power of God- to the Earth so that families like ours would have the opportunity to be together in the eternities after the devastation of this Earthly life.

It was a powerful message.

After the ceremony we were invited to congratulate the bride and groom. I gave Brad a hug and told him what a wonderful family he married into, but couldn't say a word to Betsy. My face was completely tear-stained (I had, at least, tried to sob quietly in the back so we didn't disturb the rest of the family), and I could just hold her tightly and try not to mess up her veil. Betsy, I hope you understand the gratitude I was trying to convey in that moment!

Many happy memories are yet to come to this special couple!

Holiday in Milwaukee

2012-01-04T21:13:00.001-05:00

We were very blessed this past holiday season to visit both sides of our family. Blessed and busy. And tired. And happy. And ....

We spent Chrismtas Eve and Christmas with my mom and siblings (minus Brett :( ), then flew at 5 am to Milwaukee to spend the week with Ben's brother, Steve, and our sister-in-law, Tamara, and their children in Jackson, WI. We spent some time there, drove down to Chicago for his sister, Betsy's sealing, then back to Jackson.

I was left with just one question...

Why didn't anyone tell us how much fun Milwaukee is?

Here is our downtown tour of the big city:

The Public Market

The Public Market was awesome! It is a large warehouse filled with stalls of local specialties.

We tried cheese curds from a local dairy farm, watched and learned about spices from

around the world, and lots of other fun stalls representing Wisconsin favorites.

It was a crowded atmosphere bustling with the scent of flowers, local store-goers, and fun colors. Just we like to stumble upon in a new city :)

Historic 3rd Ward

We never found out why it's called the Historic 3rd Ward, but we fell for it! This is a collection of a few streets downtown that are, in a word, charming! Complete with bronze street names on corner sidewalks, old-fashioned street lamps, and dental molding.

The district is also known for it's collection of unique streetside shops

The classic...

... and not so classic.

Milwaukee, like all my favorite cities, has bodies of water in every direction. A lake here, a river there, the city is filled with fun water walkways and beautiful city/ nature landscapes.

Check out my hunky husband on this great circular walkway thingy

we found between old buildings on the river:

I think I drove Ben crazy comparing Milwaukee to Seattle (my favorite city in America. Yes, it beats out NYC!) . I just loved seeing water surprise me in every direction and all the fun art and architecture tucked around the corners. (Ben says Milwaukee was founded before Seattle, so I should have been comparing Seattle to it, instead of the other way around. Though Seattle still takes my cake, Milwaukee has one thing Seattle definitely doesn't: citizens with good fashion sense.)

Wisconsin Cheese Mart

The Wisconsin Cheese Mart is truly a state legend. In a word: amazing. But, hey, we love cheese ;)

This is a large, open store that sells more types of cheese than I could count from all around the world. It's specialty, of course, is locally-made Wisconsin cheeses, especially varieties of cheddar. We were greeted by this life-size heifer and a stand of cheese hats and other accessories which set the tone for the whole store. It's a place where anyone who loves cheese can come to sample, stare, and savor! And the prices were great, too. We brought home a block of WI sharp cheddar, a section of white cheddar + peppercorn wheel (the 2010 World Cheese Competition Winner), and a bag of freezable cheddar cheese curds.

Usinger's Sausage House

Usinger's is next door to the Wisconsin Cheese Mart on 3rd street, very conveniently. We could get our famous Wisconsin cheese then go next door for it's sausage pair!

We bought summer sausage, bratwurst, and kielbasa. The summer sausage was amazing, but the other two were lacking. That was disappointing, but I blame myself. Maybe we chose the wrong pieces of meat. It is a really popular place; a fixture in the community. Tamara even said her parents require her to bring Usinger's hotdogs when she visits them in Charlotte :)

I'm willing to take the blame.

Sprecher's Brewery

I have been hearing about this place for the last two years. Given the family's fondness for this Wisconsin treat, my love of beverages (thanks, Opa), and our mutual attraction to factories, I have been dying to come! This was our fourth trip to Milwaukee, and my first to Sprecher's.

They conduct tours for $5/ person which includes the tour, four beer samples (which we, of course, didn't use), endless soda samples, and a free commemorative glass. The tours have always been full when we've tried coming in the past, and it was full this day, too. Tamara pointed out that there aren't many places where a person could get four beers + a glass for only $5-- explaining the hefty German-descent crowd!

Kara chose milk over all the other options... strange... ;)

All-in-all, I count our trip to Milwaukee a 9.8 success! We loved it, and can't wait to go back.

Bring it on, 2012!

2012-01-02T12:03:00.000-05:00

A giant smile spread across my face on Jan. 1 (despite the all-day travel from Jackson, WI back to Greensboro). I am shedding 2011 like a snake's old skin and welcoming in a gleaming new 2012 with open arms.

This is not a surprise to me, but still very comforting. After Eleanor's birth I knew many things would continue to be difficult: the birth of my sister's triplets two weeks later, setting her grave marker, her due date, and Christmas, but, now that those things have passed, I am truly ready to move on. A light switch has come on and I realize that, though her birth date may be troublesome for years to come, there are no more significant reminders of our loss on the calendar. I will continue to think of her often, but it will be on my terms and without the shroud of expectation and disappointment or confusion.

Yes, this is the year to move on!

Here is my new favorite song (just ask Ben-- I've been playing or singing it almost non-stop for about two weeks), which moves me to tears because my feelings have been so adequately expressed, once again, in music:

(How do you like that, Jessica?)

Though the year was overshadowed by the loss of our daughter, we were still blessed in many ways we will always be grateful for. We are older and wiser, have more love than we ever expected, and so many rising suns on our horizon.

Thanks for joining us on this road, and help us celebrate new beginnings!

Appreciation Communication

2011-12-16T10:19:00.000-05:00

I feel like I have been pretty negative on here lately, and I've been particular sensitive to the negativity and problems of others, but I really can't stress enough that, though our list of issues has seemed particularly high in 2011, I wake up {almost} every day extremely happy and thinking how lucky I am.

It is so easy to admit that our marriage is the axis and both hemispheres of that ball of joy. We have grown so much through our trials, and I have to share how proud I am of our effort to constantly show each other love and try to understand one another instead of jumping to conclusions, getting upset over something trivial, or seeing an action from an unfair perspective.

A simple exchange yesterday brought all of this to mind:

I have been wanting Ben to clean the dishes and the kitchen for a few days, but he has been out-of-town so I let it go to let him do it at his own pace. Before Ben left town he asked me to clean the sheets and I kept forgetting. Last night I threw the sheets in the wash and he went to work in the kitchen (both without hearing something from the other).

He leaves the kitchen to go study in the office, I pass him on my way to change the laundry:

Suz: "Thanks for doing the dishes!"

Ben: "No problem. Thanks for doing the laundry!"

I love that guy :)

Happy Due Date, El

2011-12-15T11:31:00.001-05:00

I woke up this morning like it was any other day. I checked my e-mail, worked for a few hours, organized packages to take to the post office, watched the Today Show, scheduled where I need to go when to maximize my time....

But, no matter how much I try to ignore it, today is not a regular day. Today was my scheduled due date for Eleanor. I anticipated being really upset today, and I am sad, but it's sort of a confused sad. See, from now on do I celebrate and remember her on her due date, which is sort of depressing, or on her birthdate?

Also, Christmas is coming up, which I also anticipate being sad on. I had been really looking forward to Christmas this year- feeling very festive- then it hit me one day that Christmas had been our unofficial "D Day". See, we wanted her to arrive early, of course, but first babies are often late. We knew that Dec. 15 was my due date, but had, of course, no idea when she would actually come. I would have been induced 7 days after my due date if I hadn't delivered yet, so we did, at least, know that we would have her and be out of the hospital by Christmas Day. I even designed this special Christmas baby onesie in honor of her- the best Christmas present we could have asked for. (My sister ordered three of those onesies for her triplets. That felt sort of weird.)

So now I'm feeling very aware of the absence of our daughter from today until Christmas (I expect.) Let the season begin!

The reality is that we'll think about her and miss her at this time of year and on her birthday, but I'm trying to remember how happy we were on her birthday, too. We felt so close to her that day and could feel that her spirit was so happy to have received a body. We felt lucky to have been chosen to be part of an obvious Plan of Heavenly Father's, and excited to have a perfect child waiting for us one day. After the "high" of that experience wore off the sadness set in, but I struggle daily to remember that fulfillment and happiness we felt at first.

So, in an effort to {try to} stay somewhat positive today, I was thinking about the blessings we and our extended family have experienced since we gave in to following Heavenly Father:

Ben and I have become very comfortable in Greensboro, even making good friends. Losing Eleanor brought us closer to many people in our ward, and we are grateful for those friendships.
Our store, uVinyl, has really taken off! It's gone from 4-5 orders a month to 5-8 orders a day since October! Strange timing...
Megan had her triplets safely, and they were home healthy from the hospital in less than a month.
Ben started his MBA program, and finished his first quarter with final grades much higher than the average student.
Our marriage has become so much stronger as we learned to lean on each other and remember how important our family and love is
Ben has started traveling again for work-- something he loves, but had been on hold for months due to the economy.
Ben was transferred to work on new projects in his company, and these project teams cause much less stress than the previous ones!
I have finally started volunteering with an organization I've had my eye on for years- Hospice. I spend about 5 hours/ week with (after two weekends of training...ugh) a very sweet family, and love giving back to someone else at the last stages of his life.

My ultimate I-Need-to-Invoke-Some-Tears-Because-I-Have-to-Express-How-Much-I-Miss-Eleanor Song:

"To think I might not see those eyes makes it so hard not to cry. And we say our long goodbyes I nearly do... Light up, light up. As if you have a choice. Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you, Dear. Have heart, my Dear, and don't you be afraid, even if it's just for a few days... we'll make up for all this mess..."

We love you, Baby Girl. It's hard not to think of "what could have been" on this very day, but we do know that Heavenly Father has a plan, and that, one day, or reunion will be so sweet.

Giving Thanks 2011

2011-11-27T18:51:00.000-05:00

Let's face it: this has been a hard year. A hard year. After moving cities, a civil lawsuit, pregnancy, birth, and death of our daughter, shoulder surgery, and starting a time-consuming, strenuous graduate program, Ben and I agree that we are sooooooooooooooo ready for 2012!

But, in the spirit of Thanksgiving and gratitude, we felt it important to be accountable for recognizing the many things we have to be thankful for:

That the year is almost over!
To be able to get pregnant
We no longer have a lawn to take care of
A beautiful house in good condition with a caring landlord
Have a job
Success and inspiration for uVinyl
How much we have grown in love and understanding as a couple
Eleanor
Receipt and availability of good health care
Successful shoulder surgery DONE!
All the friends we've made in Greensboro so far
Ben accepted to grad school at IU, now 1/8 into program!
Understanding from the Gospel
Ready access to information for knowledge and improvement
The freedom to volunteer
The ability to travel, especially our trip to Ben's mission field, Korea
To visit Suz's mission in NYC
Family reunions in Utah with the Fields, and MI with O'Briens
All the support from ward, family, and physicians during Eleanor's birth
Our health!
Live in a beautiful, cultural city
Friendly staff at the Post Office
Delicious home-cooked meals and the talent to prepare them
For old friends who still care.
Open-mindedness to try new things
To have the beach and mountains both nearby
An affordable airport in our city
The temple 1 hour away
The health and good fortune of many members of our family, though they have had their own trials
To be happy where we are
Working cars
To be financially stable
Diligent Visiting Teachers
Good books
Patience
Family that opens their houses to us anytime we want to visit
Health and car insurance
A good camera and just enough knowledge to use it

Grave Marker Update

2011-11-22T21:04:00.000-05:00

I am happy to say that the great Grave Marker Mix-up of 2011 has been resolved!

We e-mailed my blog post to the cemetery so they would better understand the impact of this seemingly innocent mistake, my mom called their office so they would understand how upset we were, and they called me multiple times to apologize.

After two days of trying to figure out what had happened and how it was going to be fixed, the cemetery called to say that Eleanor's permanent marker was scheduled for delivery on December 2, and that they placed a temporary marker on her grave in the meantime. I went to see it as soon as I could, and it was very special. Tears came to my eyes--the temporary marker seems very real, and I loved seeing her name as much as I thought I would!

I decided to be a big girl and thank the office employees in person for their thought in putting up a temporary monument. I approached their building and their door opened for me by a woman who said, "Hello, Mrs. O'Brien." as if she'd been waiting for me!

She is the cemetery director, and explained why the mix-up happened. She has only been with the cemetery for three years, and, in that amount of time, Eleanor is the first infant they have buried. Infant markers are ordered in a different way than adult markers, but nobody had been around long enough to know that! She had processed Eleanor's paperwork just as they would any other, and were as surprised as we were that the order had never gone through. To make matters worse, the company that produces the markers had just changed the markers they offer and their computer system hadn't yet turned around to process orders from the new stock. Because of this, her marker wasn't able to be rushed ordered once it did, eventually, go through.

Everyone there was so upset about this mistake! They have lots of empathy and respect for us, and the special gravesite service we held was really meaningful to them. They just hated that, of anybody, this had to have happened to us.

I was still upset about the mixup, but very glad to have seen them in person, cried together, and hear the full story of what happened and their heartfelt apologies.

Here is the temporary marker:

Forgotten??

2011-11-16T16:21:00.003-05:00

My friend, Jessica, recently started a blog. She wrote consistently for a while, but hasn't had a new post in weeks. Yesterday I told her I missed hearing her thoughts and feelings, and wanted her to post again. Being new to the blog-o-sphere, she asked, "What do I blog about?" I told her to write about what she does, her home, her husband, her activities, what she enjoys, what she is passionate about... Basically, what's important to her.

I'm taking my own advice.

It may be venting, complaining, and all-out negativity, but it's how I feel. It's what's going on in my life. It's what's important to me [and Ben].

I had a breakdown today... while I was at the Post Office, of all places. A full-on cry-fest. Over Eleanor.

Eleanor was born on Saturday, Sept. 10. My mom made funeral/ burial arrangements for us that weekend, and we had a small gravesite burial service on Monday, Sept. 12. It wasn't a horrible day, actually. I took a lot of pictures and was still so proud to have given her a body. I haven't even looked at those pictures, though. I've been waiting for some more time to go by. My goal was to process the event of her burial more fully when her grave marker was put in place. I would take pictures of her plot and finally blog about her burial when all those pieces had been put together.

We were told to wait 4-6 weeks for her marker to be put in place. At 6 weeks it still wasn't there, but I gave them a couple extra weeks of leeway before intruding myself. I casually inquired a couple of times, but at the end of October Ben asked about the status of her marker while I was in Columbia. They told him, once again, that they would call when it came in.

Today, over 10 weeks post-burial, her marker still isn't there. I called myself this time, and was told that the order had never been placed. Had we not been called? No. I was told that they didn't even realize it hadn't been ordered until Ben came to their office. Well, he visited on Oct. 28, but the marker wasn't even ordered until a full week later!

I was given this news over the phone while mailing packages at USPS. I broke down in the middle of the transaction. Luckily, I really like everyone I've met at their office, and the woman helping me was really kind. She, too, had had a stillborn baby.

She passed me a box of Kleenex and asked what was wrong. I'm sure she wasn't prepared when the first thing out of my mouth was, "My daughter died a couple of months ago..."

In addition to it being my goal for "moving on", I have been looking forward to seeing her grave marker for many reasons. Her cemetery is down the road from our Post Office in one direction, and from church in the other direction, so I visit when I mail stuff for uVinyl (at least once or twice a week), and on Sunday afternoons with Ben. Every time we go I *HOPE* her grave marker is there because I fervently want to see her name written out in weather-and-time-proof metal and granite. I want her to be official. I want her place to be official. I want to have a designated vase for fresh flowers. I want to add some loving words in vinyl.

I know this isn't my fault, but it feels so personal. I feel like a neglectful mother. My child is in a nameless grave. She was, literally, forgotten. By multiple people, including me, for not checking up sooner. I think I've handled our loss as well as could possibly be hoped for, but her being forgotten is something I can not stand for or let go. All day I've started crying whenever I think about it. It feels like the worst part... Like she was worth so little... And that's not ok.

How would you feel?

The view as you drive in to her cemetery

I love this bright tree right in front...

There is even a beautiful pond in the cemetery, which I love. I think Eleanor loves nature.

They call the area where the babies are buried "Babyland".

See the cluster of flowers around the trees toward the fence?

This shows the windchimes and Easter Eggs that have been tied to the trees in the middle of Babyland. There are a lot of little toys, etc., for the children here. It's sweet.

Eleanor's spot is the one with the hay over it...

By the time her marker is added the ground will be frozen. It will probably be snowing. It makes me really upset to think of waiting until Winter to see her name. I want her to see her name.

Desperately.

How To Raise Triplets

2011-11-13T22:15:00.000-05:00

Some things I picked up from spending time with Megan and the babes:

1. Give them a proper Welcome Home.

2. Swaddle as tightly as possible, as often as it takes. Those kiddos are used to being in tight spaces, so it's a miracle for keeping them happy and calm!

3. You have two options for watching all three at one time.

One in your arms, two within arms reach (for pacifier assistance)....

Or one in your arms, one on your legs (when two need body comfort, but you can't put one in each arm on your own), and the third on the floor within arms reach.

4. Let them sleep wherever they are!

5. Prepare all 36 daily bottles at one time.

6. Use a rolled-up blanket to support the bottles in each babies mouth. You can't feed all three at one time alone!

7. Enlist all the help you can get. Hey, 7-yr-olds can be some of the most tender babysitters :)

8. Put them in really cute clothes their aunt made for them...

9. It always helps to match... They are triplets, after all!

Different colors works, too. Just as long as they are so cute strangers stop you in the street :) (Be honest... You need all the validation you can get right about now!)

10. Attention, ATTENTION, A.T.T.E.N.T.I.O.N.!!!!!

Triplets Photo Session

2011-11-13T20:58:00.002-05:00

I am not very adept at photography (and I don't really have to be... I am surrounded by family and friends who take amazing photos for me!), but my sister, Megan, who just had triplets, doesn't even own a camera! Someone had to step in and take advantage of this prime photo opportunity.

Many of you have been asking how Megan and the babies are doing, and we all really appreciate your support! Here are a few I got [tried] while I was in town recently.

They are 1 month old, and between 4 and 5 pounds each.

C.O.U.R.T.E.N.E.Y. s.u.s.a.n.n.a.h

D.Y.L.A.N. l.e.i.g.h.

s.i.s.t.e.r.s.

"I could never love anyone more than I love my sisters"

("She's completely bald in front.")

I just love this one because they have their arms locked... How sweet!

W.E.S.T.O.N. b.r.e.t.t.

all. together. now.

(Notice Courteney smiling!)

MOMMY + DYLAN

MOMMY + COURTENEY

MOMMY + WESTON

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Big Brother love...

Will with his baby, Weston

Colin with his baby, Courteney.

More to come, I'm sure! We will be in town, again, over Thanksgiving, so I want to get some more siblings shots with the original 3 kids :)

Personalized Etched Glass Cookie Jar!

2011-11-02T10:29:00.000-04:00

We have been really fortunate since moving to Greensboro to find some good friends. There is a large number of young couples and families at church, whom we have a lot in common with and love hanging out with! There is a group of women who get together regularly during the week to watch movies, cook, or just talk, which I really love and desperately need.

One of them, Aimee, turned 25 the week before Halloween. I was happy to invite everyone to my house for some Halloween cookie decorating and a movie. I made this easy, beautiful cookie jar for her before everyone came over...

Happy Birthday, Aimee-- thanks for automatically welcoming me into your life at such a difficult time in mine. I am so grateful to celebrate our young friendship!

Cape Hatteras Is. Lighthouse + Hurricane Irene + Beach pix

2011-11-01T20:28:00.000-04:00

The Cape Hatteras lighthouse is the tallest on the East Coast, and famous for it's classic white and black lines. It is on Hatteras Island-- one of the islands that make up the Outer Banks of North Carolina. The main island, Nags Head, is where most of the resorts and nightlife are, so we drove the 1.5 hours from there down all the other islands on a major tour of the area.

(I love this one!)

(I happen to love this picture of Ben)

On our drive back we had to take some pictures to document the destruction from Hurricane Irene.

We heard that Irene didn't hard OBX as much as we'd feared, but we were wrong. It did not hurt Nags Head, but it did get stuck around the other islands.

We saw houses with wood siding torn off, sidewalks and step bridges collapsed, and water parks and mini golf courses that had to be shut down.

People have been cleaning out their flooded homes for the last two months, and so much debris still remains at the sides of the road that trucks can't pick it all up quick enough. We even drove past two makeshift trash dumps.

Sad.

Goodbye, Outer Banks....

I can't wait to dig my toes in that amazing sand again next year!

The Wright Bros. Monument

2011-11-01T13:17:00.001-04:00

You knew the Wright Brothers took their first flight in Kill Devil Hills, N.C., right?

Even though they were born and raised in Ohio?

(The brothers developed their flight theories and prototypes in Ohio. When they were

ready to test their aircraft they decided they needed a location that fit 3 requirements: 1) Soft place to land 2) Good wind speeds, 3) No trees or visual obstructions. They wrote to the US Weather... Place... for the top 5 windiest cities, and Kill Devil Hills, N.C. was the only city that fit all their specs.)

Their first flight in their self-designed motorized aircraft was on December 17, 1903.

You may not realize, though, that their next obsession was developing a glider plane: a flying craft without a motor. They developed one of those, then returned to Kill Devil Hills for their demo. The brothers and four local volunteers carried the craft to the top of a hill and pushed it off, resulting in the first soaring flight in history: 9 min. and 45 sec. long.

And so a tradition of American Soaring was born.

The inaugural flight took place on October 24, 1911;

100 years ago from the date we happened to be in town.

Boy, people really like to celebrate these centennials!

The grounds of the first flight and first soar have been made into a wonderful monument to the inventors.

Included is a life-size statue of the motorized plane and the local men who volunteered to see it off.

Also included is a giant monument on the hill where the first soar took place.

(There are even placards on the grass of the hill asking patrons to stick to the sidewalk to preserve the "historic" hill.)

The strip of field where the first flight took place includes small monuments at each of the four flights' landing spots

(The brothers flipped a coin to see who would fly first. Orville flew for a few seconds then came down. Wilbur's turn. Orville's turn. Then the wind picked up and their fourth flight of the day was in the air for over a minute! Thus four successful flights in one day. The brothers were excited to celebrate after the length of the fourth flight and left the place unattended. A gust of wind came by and destroyed the place a moment later. Hahahaha....)

Because this was the centennial weekend of the first soaring flight, many soaring enthusiasts from around the country (they have clubs and everything) came to town to fly (soar) their own planes on the grounds of the first soar.

It was a really fortuitous weekend to be there! It was really educational and interesting.

Plus, we loved talking to the professional pilots and seeing them fly and land their planes up-close.

And the exhibits were really great, too!

Lucky things just happen to us.

*Side note....*

October's Visiting Teaching message was on how every righteous woman can be a huge influence to the people around her. That reminded me a lot of the Wright Brother's mom and sister.

The brothers questioned human flight after receiving a toy kite from their dad as children. They were obsessed ever since with many different scientific experiments and inventions, ultimately leading to the first powered aircraft. They were home schooled by their college-educated mother, and constantly encouraged by her to continue their experiments.

They routinely caused messes and headaches inside and outside, but their mom always encouraged them to keep going, even when they wanted to give up.

After their mother's death their sister took over as caregiver in the house and continued their mother's example-- always encouraging her brothers to push themselves harder and realize their dreams.

After learning about the Brother's history, Ben and I discussed how opportunity, place, and timing are paramount to the world's greatest minds and inventions. We agreed that the Brothers would probably not have achieved what they had without the education, opportunity, and encouragement from their mother and sister.

Sandboarding! The new craze.

2011-10-31T12:00:00.001-04:00

If you didn't know from the handy list on your right, Ben and I like a little adventure. A little out-of-the-ordinary. A little danger. A little fun. Well, mostly Ben... but I'm adjusting ;)

OBX is the proud landmark of the largest natural sand dunes on the East Coast. Visiting the large collection of sand dunes (currently 5) at Jockey's Ridge was my favorite thing to do every summer, and the #1 thing I prepared Ben for. Growing up our family brought an expensive kite (or bought one at the fancy pants Kitty Hawk Kites toy store across the street) to fly from the top of the dunes every year. Ben and I didn't have one, and, at 25, simply walking up and down just isn't good enough.

Buying skim boards at 50% off to sandboard down the dunes was my idea.

Unfortunately, the sand + wooden skim boards had more of a sand paper effect than a smoothing effect.

Ben ultimately decided it wasn't fun if you "went slower than a snails pace", so I was left to sandboard alone. (I still thought it was fun... besides, I'd never promised we would go any faster than snails.)

He found other ways to occupy himself.
What a giant 4-year-old.

Yep. 5 or 25... it's still my favorite place at the beach.

Sunrise at OBX with Ben and Eleanor

2011-10-30T21:21:00.003-04:00

Last Thursday Ben came home from work and suggested we go to the beach for the weekend. He has heard a lot about the Outer Banks, I grew up going there, and we have been meaning to go since we moved to N.C. I told him we should wait until the fall to beat the tourists, and, after all that has happened, we found ourselves too busy to go. Going last weekend seemed impulsive, but perfect.

We got into the OBX on Friday night. We checked into our hotel on the beach, then strolled the shoreline for a night of stargazing. We decided to come back the next morning for the sunrise.

These pictures tell our story.

It was wonderful to be back in a childhood memory with the man I love, but I constantly thought about our little girl. It meant a lot to me to write her name in the sand at sunrise-- I never told Ben that that had been a goal of mine since we lost her. Seeing the tide roll over the letters I wrote so lovingly was dangerously therapeutic. I love her so much, and I know that, though water may destroy something we love, it also washes the sand clean.

I think Eleanor would have liked the beach.

An Autumn Afternoon at the Greensboro Corn Maze

2011-10-17T15:55:00.001-04:00

Since we are new to the city, Ben and I love to explore around and find fun things to do. We found this corn maze thanks to a coupon in a Greensboro travelling book!

We used the coupon for $2 off one of our two $10 general admission tickets. We also told the cashier that we wanted to add the $5 parking on our credit card (we didn't have cash to pay it at the gate), but she didn't add the charge b/c she appreciated that we were honest about it. See, there are nice people in the world, and you do get something for being a good person!

So here it is-- a place definitely worth visiting if you're in the area!

Kersey Valley Maize Adventure

About 15 mins. outside of Greensboro, this adventure camp is designed to be
an old-fashioned country town.

This hidden ATM just cracked me up!

Hey... What the...?

Attractions:

Kersey Valley Maize Adventure has tons of attractions for the whole family.

It really is a fun place to spend an entire afternoon!

We walked around wishing we had a toddler, though :(

A Zipline Canopy tour

Gem Mining (for an additional entrance fee)

Sandbox with some dinosaur digs (perfect for little kids!)

Giant jumping pillow

This thing is SUPER COOL. I've been on one during the off-season of another corn maze,

but this was a warm Saturday in Autumn so it was FULL of children. Not the

most desirable jumping environment :(

Pumpkin Patch! This is something I was most excited about, but was disappointed that

there weren't too many pumpkins to actually pick or choose to buy.

But it was a fun yard!

Plus, the pumpkin patch had those photo cut-outs. Love that.

And....

THE CORN MAZE!!!

This maze was really huge, and designed in the shape of three barnyard animals together.
There are six stations around the three animals that you are meant to find, and

a Clue Card to help you to each station and punch it out when you see it.

Ben and I didn't want to do all that, so we spent a lazy hour just walking around holding hands

and running into four-year-olds. It was great :)

Yep... Gotta love Autumn!

Post-Natal Medical Check Up

2011-10-14T16:07:00.004-04:00

Exactly 5 weeks after receiving the news of our daughter's death at my 26-week midwife appointment, I had my post-natal check up.

I was pretty anxious in waiting for this appointment. I wanted to hear that my body was healing (healed), so we could "officially" move on and look to the future. We have even been adding to our family prayers that the appointment would go well, and that the midwife I'd see would be inspired to give us the best advice for having more children. I specifically scheduled to be seen on a day when the midwife who delivered the terrible news to us originally, Waledah, would be in the office so she could see how well we are handling it, and how ok we are (she had been pretty shaken up to report a stillbirth to us. It was the first their practice had seen, and everyone there was really upset about it.) When I was back in the exam room I heard that Waledah had called in sick, and was being covered by another midwife. That midwife, Dierdre, told me exactly what I'd wanted and prayed so fervently to hear! (I wonder if Waledah asking for her shift to be covered by Dierdre was inspired by The Lord. Would Waledah have given me different advice, and He knew that wasn't best or intended for me?)

Dierdre also talked to me about our decision to not have an autopsy performed on Eleanor. We have no physical evidence of what caused her stillbirth, which is something I explained we are satisfied with due to our spiritual understanding. I told her I wasn't interested in obsessing over the "whys" and driving from specialist to specialist, but she explained that just a few blood tests could give us a lot of answers, or at least rule out some important options.

Since Eleanor is the first stillbirth they have experienced, they have never recommended these blood panels before. Dierdre knew what she wanted to test, but not the codes or details, so she got on the phone with a blood specialist. She explained to the nurse, Lora, who had to look up additional codes for my bloodwork papers from a specific test-indication book. They sent me to the lab downstairs to get the blood drawn, who also had to call around to know exactly what to do! Hahahahaha... I really did think it was a funny sort of hub-bub to find myself in! I'm glad though, that they are building their repetoir of how to handle a situation like mine, and maybe if it occurs again they will all know exactly how to handle it because they could go through a trial run with me. Everyone in this practice knows and really cares about me, which is very obvious with how caring and thorough they always are in our meetings. I feel really taken care of, which is so important!

She sent me downstairs to the hospital lab, who preceded to take about 15 vials of blood for about 6 different tests to rule out an immune disorder, thyroid, and lupus.

I just laughed when I saw her pull out all these different blood vials!

I won't post the picture of them filled with blood, but, boy, did I want to lay down when she was done!

I gave so much blood that they had to cover the spot with this heavy-duty bandage.

It happens to be purple.

I kept it on until I went to the post office. The mailman actually asked if I was supporting something!

"Yes. Donatello. And giving blood."

The lab clinic had lots of beautiful puzzles framed on the wall, and this puzzle of Christ was hanging across from the blood-drawing chair. I really loved seeing a picture of Christ in a public hospital!

It was nice to remember Christ when going through something hard, and receiving some comfort in a hospital. No matter how much blood I gave, He gave more!

We'll have the results back sometime next week. It would be great to rule out as much as possible to rest our minds for the next pregnancy, but, if something is found, that would be comforting, too, and very treatable!

So keep your fingers crossed... that the results are.... negative.... or.... positive.... whatever....

One Month Post-Natal Metal Check-Up

2011-10-12T21:23:00.001-04:00

*Disclaimer: Recent posts have been very personal. I know not everyone is comfortable with my decision to keep a public journal like this, but please understand that this is a very satisfying form of therapy. If you feel uncomfortable with the emotion I share, I will not be offended if you pass this over! It makes me happy, so make yourself happy :) *

My dear friend, Jessica, experienced a 23-week stillbirth with her daughter shortly after I found out I was pregnant. To be honest, her experience scared me. Obviously. Among other "sad stories" of friends' pregnancies, hers made me extremely concerned about the health and safety of my own baby. In hindsight I'm glad I felt that way, because it prepared me for the hardship we faced. I sort of expected it.

I didn't talk to Jessica much during my pregnancy. I felt awkward; I didn't know how to handle the situation. I didn't want her to feel guilty or jealous, I didn't want to rub it in that I was pregnant and ecstatically happy, so I avoided her and chose not to handle the situation. Well, she was one of the only people I called while I was in the hospital awaiting Eleanor's delivery. I knew she knew, better than anyone, what I was going through, and that she would understand my folly and be there for me. She was, and has been, every step of my understanding and grieving process.

I felt really ok after everything happened. Unnaturally so, in fact. I had (have) an amazing understanding of what happened and why, so I accepted our fate pretty easily. Jessica told me that she had felt the same thing shortly after losing her daughter. She was the one comforting other people! She said her saddness/ anger kicked in about a month later. She says she literally woke up one day and felt angry. Really angry. All of a sudden. Since I heard that I wondered if I would wake up and feel angry after one month.

It's been a month. So, how do I feel? Not really angry. Sort of angry, I guess, but mostly annoyed. What this experience has taught me is how desperately I want to be a mother. I won't get into the details, but that's what my complicated roller coaster of emotions and self-therapizing boil down to. I really want a child. A baby, even (I never really thought of El as a baby, usually as a teenager/ young adult, which is why I enjoy this self realization so much.)

What I find extremely annoying and unfair is not that I lost a baby. No, hers and our journey was meant to take a certain path, and it did. We fulfilled everything we were asked to do for her, so there is no regret, bitterness, or guilt. I don't necessarily want Eleanor, or my pregnancy with her, back. What is unfair is that I have to go through another pregnancy just to get a baby! After we get a medical "ok" to even try for a baby, and after however long it takes to become pregnant!

I have to go through another period of time when I worry about conceiving? Another weight-losing-heartwrenching-hormone-swinging first trimester? Another second trimester where my physical symptoms have gone away but it's still too early to feel the baby moving? For just one child I get to take home?

I want a child. I want to be pregnant because that is how you get a child. But I am not excited about another pregnancy. The sad thing is that I had actually really loved being pregnant. But I don't think I'll love it anymore. Unfair and annoyed.

And, yes, I did feel this way exactly one month after El's burial. Like a light switch.

But, hey, tomorrow's another day.

An Inside Look Into Our First Official Date!

2011-10-11T12:01:00.002-04:00

Well... I guess that is a bit of an over-statement. We have, of course, been on plenty of amazing "official" dates (Emily told me an official date for her and her hubby was if she wore perfume, my definition means Ben has actually planned something and asked me out.), but, as any married couple can attest, it is harder to plan and ask someone on a date once you are married! We, for instance, do plenty of really fun things around town, like to stay busy and be involved in our community, and love to invite other couples on our adventures, but rarely do we plan something in advance to do together this way.

This was the first time Ben asked me out for a date since we had Eleanor. We have been really busy and in and out of town since then, but it was still much- needed.

I firmly believe that couples should hold on to romance-- no matter how long you have been together or what you've gone through.

Ben kept our date plans a surprise, only telling me to dress comfortably and be ready to go around 3:30.

3:30 p.m.

He showed up with 2 dozen pop tarts (way better than flowers!) and one of my favorite candies (which he happens to hate. That's how I know he really had me in mind when picking something out.)

4:00 p.m.

We pull up here...

For an appointment for a 1-hr couples massage! Woot woot!

I can not express how happy that made me. I love getting massages, but rarely do because it seems like a waste of money. My body was put through a lot with the pregnancy, though, and I have been complaining of terrible back pain and headaches since the delivery. Ben has been recovering from his shoulder surgery 6 weeks ago, as well, so this was something we both needed! I was so impressed that Ben had the insight to get this for me, and was willing to spend the "unnecessary" money for us to do it together! I have the best husband!

6:00 p.m.

After changing into dressy clothes, we head out in the car for a fancy dinner...

at my new favorite-- the best restaurant in Greensboro, Palmetto!

I ate here with my Mom for lunch during our "girls day" after Eleanor was born. It is right in the middle of downtown Greensboro, so it is great to walk to. When we ate there I was stunned by the absolutely gorgeous, classy interior, really friendly, passionate staff and owners, and inexpensive, creative menu. I have been talking about non-stop for the past month, which Ben remembered!

This is my "death bed meal." Seriously, the best meal I may have ever had. It is a BLT, but with a twist: a fresh baguette, spring lettuce mix, thick applewood smoked bacon strips, and fried green tomatoes with a spicy mayonaise. It is seriously ..... amazing. The fresh bread, crunchy greens, spicy sauce, smoky bacon, warm tomatoes... Every bite just matches perfectly! The first time I had this BLT it was served with sweet potato fries that had a coating of brown sugar. I'd never had sweet potato fries like that (the simplest twist makes an amazing difference), and the sweetness was a perfect combo with the spicy, crunchy sandwich.

Ben ordered the shrimp etoufe with collard greens.

I still like my BLT better, but this was great, too! The shrimp had a delicious spicy coating, and was served on top of red beans and rice. MMmmmmmmm!

7:30 p.m.

As we were leaving the restaurant we heard a live band playing Bon Jovi around the corner...

Turns out our First Official Date Post- Baby happened to be on the first Friday of October, and Greensboro turns downtown into a giant party on the First Friday of every month! Many downtown restaurants, museums, and stores keep their doors open late and invite people in to see performances or live music. It was so cool to walk out of dinner and see the streets full of members of our community!

We walked to this outdoor party where we even saw this portable game van,

We saw a beautiful dance performance at the International Civil Rights Museum,

And found this outdoor crafts market!

This really is a beautiful, creative, fun city. I'm glad we've finally discovered that.

Surprise gifts, a couple's massage, a fancy dinner at my favorite restaurant, and a community party.... What could have possibly made this night any better?

Nothing!

Triplets

2011-10-03T17:59:00.003-04:00

Two weeks after delivering Eleanor, my oldest sister gave birth to her triplets. I really love my sister, but our dual pregnancies was a challenge for me. She announced her surprise pregnancy when we were trying for a family, which was hard. The next month I was pregnant, and, while planning our announcement, received the phone call that Megan was expecting not one but three babies. I was suddenly too overwhelmed by her news to share my own with our family. Megan would need lots of support, help, and love to carry and mother triplets, and I felt guilty asking the family for any of the attention that should go to her. I had previously been so excited to share a pregnancy with my family (who had waited years for me to get married and decide to have a baby), but after her announcement I didn't want to say anything at all.

I got over that shock and learned to give my family more credit (of course there is enough love for as many children as come), but never did feel too comfortable hearing about my sister's trials and triumphs. Shallow, I know. I admit, I just wanted the focus on me and my little one-- I thought she deserved that. When I talked to someone about my baby I would hear, "And your sister is having triplets... how is she?" Or if I shared my aches and pains the reply would be "But imagine how your sister feels with three babies in there!"

So, yes, I was jealous.

The fact that she had her babies so soon after ours passed away felt like an appropriate end to our experience. I had planned to go home to Columbia to help with her original three kids when she went to the hospital for her C-section, but no one expected it to be so soon. Two weeks after my delivery was a bit of a shock, which I had to get over FAST!

I believe the week I spent at home with her was very healing, thankfully. I think the realization that not all babies come home from the hospital helped her feel grateful and excited for parenting triplets. My Dad, whom I have hardly talked to in a decade, showed up and we had a great time together. I saw, held, and cared for three babies in the NICU.

Plus, my sister is healing well and all three babies are great.

Let me show you...

w.e.s.t.o.n.

4 lbs. 15 oz.

c.o.u.r.t.e.n.e.y.

4 lbs. 3 oz.

d.y.l.a.n.

3 lbs. 11 oz.

Dylan was the hardest of all for me to be around. She, more than the others, reminded me of Eleanor. She lost a few ounces after birth, and is just so small. She has scrawny little chicken elbows and knees, like Eleanor did, but I could see hers actually move through the plastic isolette. My tiny baby couldn't do that. This tiny little baby just really shocked me... you know?

Strangely, she is the healthiest of all three. Weston and Courteney will be in the NICU for a few weeks on and off oxygen and other drugs, but Dylan was doing well enough from the beginning to never need oxygen, be placed in a less intensive room, and expect to come home much sooner. Thus, she is the only one we are allowed to consistently hold out of her isolette and biliruben lighting.

The first time I went to visit the babies I could only handle to stay for a few minutes. The second time I came with Megan, who wanted to stay much longer She took me to see Dylan, opened her isolette doors, and told me to reach in and touch her. I couldn't. Again, she told me touch her, so I gradually reached in. I felt like Dylan was a ticking time bomb-- something that would explode if we had skin-to-skin contact. I started crying and shaking, which the nurses found endearing. They offered me a chair and tissues, but it took quit a while for me to settle down. I never told anyone about my recent loss, I expect they just thought I was a very emotional aunt.

I spent a week with the family in Columbia-- long enough to see Megan get home and comfortable-- and I will return when the babies come home from the hospital to help with the transition. That will be another milestone to overcome, and I hope I handle it as well!

In the meantime, congratulations, Megan. What an accomplishment!

Music tHERapy

2011-09-19T14:13:00.001-04:00

When I was a freshman in high school my older sister, Brett, started studying Music Therapy at FSU. One weekend Mom and I went to visit her, and she took me with her to the recital of a Senior music student's. I had been struggling with a bout of Tourette's Syndrome at that time. Tourette's is a neurological disorder that, for me, causes me to have facial twitches whenever I'm stressed or anxious. Around that time I was still struggling with my parent's divorce, hated high school so far, and missed all my siblings (especially Brett) who had left me alone in the house(es) for various reasons. I was twitching so badly that Brett had to help me walk-- I couldn't even see in front of me.

On the way to the recital Brett tried to explain to me what music therapy even was. Call me slow, but I just didn't understand what she was doing. At the recital, though, the Senior student sang a beautiful song to the accompaniment of another student's piano playing, and I was completely entranced. I shifted closer in my seat, and couldn't even blink. Without realizing it, my twitches had completely vanished while I listened. My whole body calmed down. Brett leaned over to me and said, "That's music therapy."

Music has been really important to me since then. I can't listen to any song without thinking about the lyrics and if or how they could apply to me. I've always loved that lyrics and, in the best cases, the accompaniment, too, express something I never could. Feelings I have but can't explain, things I want or need to hear but don't know how to ask for, etc.

In coping with the loss of my baby three songs have really helped me, for various reasons:

1. In My Life, Dave Matthews

This song reminded me of our daughter long before she was born for the line, "In my life I love you more." But it also seemed really sad to me, so I hesitated putting it on her Baby CD. When we learned that she had passed and we would have a burial for her I knew this song was perfect. I suppose it was an early revelation. Now I love it for the line, "I'll never lose affection...."

2. You'll Be In My Heart: Phil Collins

This song has meant a lot to me since Middle School. I was being teased by some classmates, and knelt in prayer for comfort. As soon as my prayer ended, this song came on the Light radio station. I felt like it was Heavenly Father's way of answering my prayer and telling me how much He loved me. The song still means a lot to me, and now I think of it as my anthem to Eleanor, as well. I love you, Little Girl! And Heavenly Father loves us both very much :)

"When destiny calls you, you must be strong. I may not be with you, but you've got to hold on."

3. Be Here Now by Mason Jennings.

This has been the ultimate in healing music for me. This song is in my top 10 favorite songs of all time-- which is really saying a lot! We added it to a CD we made when we were getting sealed of love songs. I have felt so much love for Ben through all of this, and focusing on our relationship and our blessings has really helped me cope. I am so grateful to still have him in my life! I listened to our marriage CD a few days ago, and heard this one for the first time in a little while. I played it repeatedly for about 45 mins.

I always have had a hard time "Being here now." I seem to always look to the future, but this experience is really helping me see that we have to appreciate every tiny blessing in every ordinary day. I am so in love with my husband, so grateful for the Gospel, so proud of my daughter, and truly happy to be who and where I am.

"Be here now. No other place to be. Don't just sit there dreaming of how life would be if we were somewhere better, somewhere far, away from all our worries, well here we are...

Be here now. No other place to be. All the doubts that linger, just set them free. And let good things happen. Let the future come. Into each moment like a rising sun.

Sun comes up and we start again..."

Thank you, Mason Jennings, for helping me realize that life moves on. Just because I accept that and try to move on doesn't mean that the love I have for our daughter ever has to change. I can do both-- love her and be sad, and look forward to tomorrow with complete hope and acceptance that some things I have no affect over, but I still make the choice to be happy :)

And, honestly, I'm feeling better.

Denial.

2011-09-16T11:07:00.002-04:00

It has been exactly 1 week since we left for my routine midwife appointment last Friday. I'm happy to report that we've survived! It's amazing to think of how much adversity we can actually handle-- I've been through my share in my short lifetime, and I always wonder how I am still able to breathe. Thank you, atonement. And a little friend I've recognized as DENIAL.

I thought I'd been handling our situation really well. I have a healthy eternal perspective and logical knowledge of what happened, which helps, but a couple of days ago I realized it may be because I'm not letting myself truly feel our loss. I've been thinking about this as if it happened to someone I'm really close to, or a character in a book I've grown to love and miss by the end, or a movie I've seen over and over again. It involves people and a situation I know very well and deeply care about, but not me. I feel upset and distraught, but not in a personal way. Then, randomly, we will receive a very thoughtful sympathy card, someone from church will stop by with flowers or dinner, or my mother calls at 10:00 pm "Just to see if I'm ok."

Why are we getting a sympathy card? Or a random call from my mom at night? Or flowers from people we've never met? There must be a reason.... And it sets in. There is a reason. That tragedy from last week.... ours.

And I'm "in it" all over again. I try to logic or spiritualize myself out of the sadness, but it still comes. I start to notice all the physical signs around me; things I'd somehow stayed oblivious to during the day. My breastmilk came in, which causes me a lot of discomfort. I feel crampy. Tape residue from my IV refuses to come off my arm. My other arm still has a large bruise from the blood pressure cuff I kept on for 2 days. It's not bad enough that I couldn't take my daughter home from the hospital, I have to see tape marks a week later?!?!?!

I went to visit Eleanor's gravesite on Wednesday and could see the ground raised and placed back down on top of her. Even knowing that she wasn't really there, I had a strong natural reaction to rip the ground away and bring her back up. I just cried and prayed instead. (Though I did touch the grass chunks just to make sure they were fresh.)

Nights are the worst; all day I find things to distract me, but at night there is no sunlight to walk our park path by, our friends and family aren't available to call, and I don't want to drive anywhere. I know it's only a matter of time before we go to bed and the only thing left to do then will be to think and wait to fall asleep. I hate being alone with my thoughts!

Luckily this back-and-forth of denial and reality (which really does bite) only happens a few times a day. Most of the day I'm still able to look to our many reasons to feel blessed and convince myself to be okay. I know I'll need to face this reality hard and fast at some point, but for now I'll take it little by little.

Roller Coaster....

2011-09-14T21:30:00.001-04:00

On Saturday our daughter, Eleanor Seoul, was born. After a routine check-up on Friday morning we found out that she had stopped growing at 21 weeks, and would need to be delivered and buried. Friday was the hardest day we have both ever experienced, but by Saturday we had a strong testimony that we were helping Eleanor fulfill the Plan of Salvation. We felt a confirmation that she was sent to us for a body, and, as soon as she developed her major organs and was old enough to be classified as a baby by medical and church standards, she knew she didn't need to progress any further.

Luckily her delivery was very easy and painless.

We have ridden on the wings of our testimonies these last few days. We are so surprised at this news, disappointed that our plans for her are on hold, and struck with the reality of changing our routines and expectations, but are also faced with countless details pointing to the one and only explanation: This was Heavenly Father's plan for our daughter, and we are grateful to have been a part of something so specific.

That knowledge has brought us comfort. I'm surprised that I can even get out of bed in the morning, but I'm happy to report I'm doing much better than that. Unfortunately, though, no amount of logic or spirituality can comfort my empty arms. I spend most of my day at 50%-- halfway between feeling grateful and understanding, and completely losing it. Usually I can keep it just barely above the sadness line and in to the understanding portion, but the moments of depression still come at unexpected times.

I expect that to last for a while.

Ben's Home!

2011-09-08T11:05:00.000-04:00

Two weeks ago Ben had arthroscopic shoulder surgery to re-attach the badly torn ligament (the labrum) he had torn when his shoulder dislocated a few years ago. His shoulder continues to get re-injured, so a Dr. suggested surgery to permanently fix the tear, and we decided that surgery should happen as soon as possible, so he can be fully healed when the baby is born.

Because of a strict pain meds, cold pack, and eating schedule, plus the limitation of being in extreme pain when his right arm/ shoulder move at all, Ben has been working from home since the surgery.

I was a little nervous about that, at first... I work from home, he's working from home, and it's a small home. Except for vacations and weekends, we have never spent so much time around each other before!

I have to say, though, it is fantastic. After a year and a half of marriage and all we've been through together, we get along so well! We are truly best friends, and have had so much fun sitting on our own ends of the couch, occasionally talking and taking breaks together, but mostly just sharing space and feeling the love in the room.

I love you, Ben!

some f.u.n.n.y. stuff from this week:

I spent an entire day cleaning the entire house, Ben washes his hands in the downstairs bathroom...

Suz: "Notice how nice and clean the bathroom is."

Ben: "Wow! I didn't know the bathroom could look this good!"

Suz: "Well, that sort of insults every other time I've cleaned the bathroom."
Ben: "Wow! I forgot the bathroom could get this clean!"

{Later that day we were both in the upstairs bathroom}

Ben: "Wow! This bathroom is so clean!"

We were sitting on the couch both on our computers....

Thing 1: "CNN is reporting that 3 people were killed and 6 injured during a shooting at an iHop in Nevada."
Thing 2: "I shot a man in prison just to watch him die."

Thing 1: "Is that what you tell your friends at Folsom?"
Thing 2: "What? I don't actually know where that line came from...."
Thing 1: "It's a famous song by Johnny Cash on his album Live From Folsom Prison."
Thing 2: "Oh, I thought it was from Wings."

Thing 1: "LOL... Can I put that on the blog?"
Thing 2 : "No! I want people to think I know Johnny Cash."

Thing 1: "What if I don't give our names?"

Thing 2: "Well, ok. Because people will assume it was you."

After two weeks, Ben's pain has gone down, he is taking Ibuprofen instead of hard meds, and he's comfortable driving an automatic, so he's back at work :(

I miss you, Honey!

Baby Latest... 25 weeks!

2011-08-31T12:46:00.000-04:00

{this post is dedicated to Eve; the latest person to encourage me to get off my butt and update you!}

Holy Cow... 25 weeks!!

~13.5 in. long

~1.5 lbs.

the B.U.M.P.

{Ben took these pix of me in front of a white sheet thrown over our projector screen. They are all on his Blackberry, since our nice camera takes two hands, and his right arm is still in a sling from surgery. Way to improvise, right?}

so E.X.C.I.T.E.D.

I am so so so so stinking excited for this little girl. I think about her all.the.time.!!! I have compiled a playlist of songs that remind me of her, or of being a new parent, to listen to to help control my random baby thoughts. Most of the songs make me cry... they are so sweet, and our baby girl is so perfect. I am constantly crying while I'm driving, on my computer at home, going for a walk.... Because I listen to that music all day long! I love that music can add some cohesion to the random flood of emotions, thoughts, and words that make up life. Thank you, music.

Listen to my ultimate baby song here.

so P.R.E.P.A.R.E.D.

my AMAZING sister, Brett, has offered to make some baby clothes for us! She is so creative and handy with a sewing machine, and I have been admiring her kid's clothes for years. I am so stoked for the opportunity to get whatever I want! I have decided on a few different dress/ skirt ideas (remember I design my own onesies), and even a nursing tunic. Here is what I've picked out:

I figure we will get plenty of pink-ish things as gifts, so I'm going for other "girly" looks that I can control-- turquoise, gold, purple, and gray! I can't wait to see what Brett comes up with :)

Also.... We got our crib delivered and set-up!

I've designed and re-decorated the guest room/ baby nursery, but Ben really wanted to be the one to set up her crib. He just had shoulder surgery, so everything was done with just his left hand!

Something about having her crib set up makes the nursery feel so real. I can just imagine our precious girl sleeping in it soon! I am totally crazy about this crib. It is the DaVinci Alpha Mini Crib.

Features:

-The only crib with a rocking bottom (with stoppers) to rock the baby back to sleep

-Includes casters and is slim to easily move between rooms (eliminating the need for a separate bassinette to keep in our room when she is a newborn)

-Teething guard on both sides

-4 adjustable sizes

-Great for use up to about 18 months, then we can transition to a real bed

-As a mini crib, takes up less room than traditional cribs. We need all the space we can squeeze out of this dual room!

so A.N.N.O.Y.E.D.

As you can see, I haven't gained a ton of weight during this pregnancy. In fact, I'm not even 10 lbs. over my pre-pregnancy weight. Sounds great, but, to be honest, I can't wait to be huge! I try to eat throughout the day, I have a protein shake with a meal every day, switched back to eating some meat (especially fatty stuff like bacon and sausage) all in an effort to gain weight.

So I'm actually pretty sensitive to people saying I don't look pregnant.

I know it is a cultural thing to be as fit as possible, so maybe people say things like, "You're pregnant? Where?" "You can't be too far along." "Where are you hiding the baby?" "You're so small!" as a way to be nice. Sure, anyone else would take that as a compliment-- whether it's sincere or not. But don't be nice to me. It may be small, and not visible unless I'm wearing a fitted shirt, but I DO have a baby bump, and I'm very proud of it!

Hearing those things makes me feel like a bad mom. I do not care about my image more than the health of my baby. Yes, I'm eating. No, I don't diet. I'm trying to be the best mom I can be already-- which means putting my feet up as much as possible and eating whatever I want (usually with whipped cream).

So just try to be understanding, ok?

Wow... Sorry for the mind dump! I hope you all still love me :)

The Latest Baby News

2011-08-19T17:00:00.003-04:00

We have been busy planning for baby lately!

23 weeks:

the size of a saghetti squash!

12 inches long, 1.24 lbs.

First, some sad news. I have two close friends who each had to emergency deliver their babies: one at 24 weeks, the other at 26 weeks. One baby didn't survived and one stayed in the ICU for four months. I haven't been able to stop thinking about those friends and their experiences, and, as a new mom, it really worries me! So I've been really eager for the time that I would feel our daughter moving so I would be able to feel daily that she was growing and healthy.

I'm 23 weeks and haven't felt the baby move yet. I found out this week that because of the position of the baby inside my body I may not feel her much at all-- even when she gets bigger and close to delivery! That is a major disappointment for me (and Ben... we aren't sure if her movements will ever be strong enough for him to feel, either).

I'm concerned about knowing daily that she is ok, so I bought a fetal doppler so we can hear her heartbeat any time we want!

This is the Sonoline B. It was pretty inexpensive, and has great reviews. I am so excited! her heartbeat is always really strong at my midwife appointments, so I love that we can hear it any time now!

Now for the fun stuff... s.h.o.p.p.i.n.g!

In other ways of preparation, we have been doing tons of research on necessary baby items. I read all the reviews of items I can get my hands on, and we've asked a lot of mothers we know for their baby must-have recommendations. We're compiling all our ideas into an Amazon Baby Registry!

Check out our list, and please let us know if there is something we've left off! (We are new parents, after all.)

Baby Girl O'Brien's List

our r.e.a.d.i.n.g. list

We've also started our parenting research! I thought it was so thoughtful when Ben ordered these books online:

This book challenges a lot of "instictual" parenting techniques. Ben heard some of it included in an economics book, and his sister recommended we read the entire book. It really is incredible! We highly recommend it to anyone with children of any age.

This book tells Ben what is going on with me, the baby, him, and what he could/ should be doing week-by-week. It said that, at this stage of the pregnancy, the baby is moving regularly and responds to her environment. The author said he would poke his wife's belly once and say "One", then twice and say "Two". He said the baby would poke back the same number of times, so while we were both reading on the couch Ben decided to turn to me and start poking and yelling at my belly! It didn't work, and I wish he'd warned me, but I love his enthusiasm!

We are so so so so excited for this little girl, and just pray constantly for her health! We can't wait to meet her!

Our New House in Greensboro!

2011-08-18T11:30:00.000-04:00

Apparently we have "loyal blog followers" and apparently they are upset I haven't updated lately! Well.... you're absolutely right. The past month has been one of those "We-are-so-busy-I-have-so-much-to-say-and-pictures-to-show-that-I-can't-possibly-begin-so-I-may-as-well-sleep-in-instead" sort of months. You dig?

The month has been filled with my f.a.v.o.r.i.t.e. things: travel, decorating, work, and baby!

We'll start with the LOTS of re-decorating I've done (and re-done) in our new townhouse in Greensboro. I'm sort of proud of it... We really feel at home here!

t h e l i v i n g r o o m

My favorite thing about the house is the view from our couch. I love the book corner we have, the armchair wall's color/ texture combo, and a glimpse of the hallway collage. The goal was to make the rest of the house as homey feeling as those few nooks!

t h e h a l l w a y

We've been given more compliments on the hallway picture design than any other part of the house. Strange, since it was the fastest, easiest thing I did. I'm trying not to be offended. It's mostly the odds 'n ends pictures I wanted to display but didn't have a place for!

t h e d i n i n g r o o m

I think the dining room/ kitchen is what sold Ben on getting this place. Our landlord installed real tile floors, added the chair rail, very modern light fixtures and appliances, and modern, clean paint colors.

t h e k i t c h e n

Compared to the galley kitchen we had in Hickory, I love how open and light this kitchen is! I love all the counter space for my special cooking things, and the upper space available to display our china.

o u t s i d e

We bought the landlord's patio furniture because we liked it so much :) It looks like another room out here, even though it is too hot to actually eat outside very often.

u p s t a i r s b a t h r o o m

Newly installed green and white tiles, new vanity and mirror, modern light fixtures, etc.

Very modern and chic!

Sorry... no camers inside the bedroom! (But trust me, it looks great.) And I've been working really hard on the baby's room, but I won't post pictures until it's all finished!

Thanks for coming to visit our new place!

2 Good Things About Greensboro

2011-07-18T10:29:00.001-04:00

After being sort of brutal to this city, I owe it an apology... After extensive research, we have found at least a couple fun things to do.

thing 1

eastern music festival

There are a few youth orchestras as part of the Eastern Music Festival that meet here for summer music camps and give free concerts of the classic pieces they are learning around the city every Sunday.

We went to one last Sunday on the grounds of Guilford College. It was a cool campus, so the night doubled as our Sunday afternoon walk!

In the middle of the college courtyard is this amazing structure by a famous N.C. artist called "The Hornet's Nest." This artist makes structures around the country out of all natural materials-- no nails or glue, etc-- and leaves them up for a specific amount of time before they would disintegrate. This one was inspired by the campus and will be on display until Feb. 2012.

There was a huge crowd there. It was so fantastic to see small children jumping around to the classic orchestra, dads playing frisbee with kids, and people sharing picnics.

I love any place where we can find free, music, art all in the same place! Now that is one perfect Sunday afternoon! This sort of cultural, community activity is exactly what we love and look for.

thing 2

Free bike rental at Bur-Mil Park

There are a few large parks around Greensboro (not the 27 we're used to in Hickory....), and one is Bur-Mil park. It is huge, and dedicated to different sports. There are a few protected finishing lakes, hiking and mountain biking trails, a family pool complex, picnic shelters, a wildlife education center, wedding pavilion, etc.

Dasani sponsors this park, so they have provided free

bikes and helmets any person can check out for the day.

I just hit the 18 week mark; I'm officially not supposed to bike or do other activities where I may lose my balance because my center of gravity is off. I still trust myself, but we did stick to the 5-mi paved loop around the back of the park.

The trail was BEAUTIFUL! The trail was a good combination of up and downhill to be hard but manageable with some breaks and coasting. We passed a few lakes, a bridge, flower fields, etc.

We chilled with a picnic we'd brought, and Ben found a great space for us to slack line

and throw a frisbee.

It was a really great day. Renting free bikes for a beautiful ride...

How perfect is that?!?
Thanks, Dasani!

I guess we can stay.

We are having a GIRL!

2011-07-12T17:23:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I had my first midwife appointment at my new clinic in Greensboro, and had a great experience there. They immediately knew who I was, and gave me so much attention. They even scheduled my anatomical ultrasound for TODAY! Just one day later! I love them!

So today Ben and I went to the Women's Hospital for our anatomical ultrasound, to check that the baby is growing and developing ok and find out the gender. So.... Drum roll....

We are having a baby girl!

We're having a baby girl... we're having a baby girl... We are having a daughter... Our baby is a Girl...

Our baby's cute profile. She's an actual baby! This is so cool!

You can't really tell in the picture, but we were told this shot is of the baby

crossing her ankles together while kicking, which is sort of cute :)

1st thought:

But we disagree on the girl names we've talked about so far... at least we were on the same page with the boy names...

2nd thought:

Jackson was right. Our almost 4-yr-old nephew has correctly predicted the last 3 babies in our family!

3rd thought:

Girl clothes are so much cuter than boy clothes. I see a onesie with hot pink aviators in our daughter's future.

Any name suggestions (be honest... you have them) can be left in a comment here. (but we still probably won't consider Hildegard or Michael, Mom.)

Homesick

2011-06-28T13:32:00.000-04:00

I debated if I should post this or not, being generally against blatant negativity, but I figured a lot of you are in the process of moving or have already moved and could either give me advice or know you aren't alone.

So here it goes.

Moving to Greensboro went pretty well on Saturday. We stayed almost completely on schedule (hard to imagine since we had about 1/2 hour to accomplish each task), and were so grateful to have had 8 men from Hickory ward and 4 from Greensboro available to help us. Thank you!

h.o.u.s.e.

Unfortunately, it has been crazy since we got here. For weeks we were living in a "construction zone" in Hickory of packing and repainting, etc, and now it's the same here. It's hard to feel comfortable when you've been surrounded by boxes for weeks on end. We are living in a two-story place now, and had to spend a lot of time moving furniture and boxes in and out of the right rooms and floors. Every time I tried to unpack a certain room, I would get distracted with just trying to find something and end up moving a little something into each room, instead. Then I try to re-arrange it because Ben and I can't agree on what we like in the house. It's the slow way to move in, but I bet one day I'll just open my eyes and it will all feel magically done.

For right now we don't even have internet or cable, so there is nothing for me to do all day but try to unpack. Ben checks my e-mail and lets me know if I miss something important, but, seriously, I can't even watch a show or check blogs to feel more comfortable?!?!?!

c.i.t.y.

It's hard to escape the house, too. This city is huge and I don't know where anything is, and Wendy, my GPS, has a hard time finding my location when I miss a turn. It makes me want to tear my hair out! In Hickory the neighborhood streets were complete misery to figure out, but at least the main roads with all the stores, etc, were easy and accessible. Almost everything I needed was within 1.5 miles of our house!

c.h.u.r.c.h.

We went to church on Sunday, and I was really nervous and excited to try and make new friends. I'd never been worried about that in previous moves, but I was surprised at what great friends I had in Hickory and how much I loved their support and friendship (especially during the pregnancy) that I'm really eager to find that again. A few women introduced themselves, but no one was very forthcoming with me. My first Sunday in Hickory I offered to help volunteer for a project they were working on, and was invited to a play date to meet other women within my first week. It was so easy to jump in and meet people. Here....? Nothing. Yet.

s.a.d.

I am extremely confident that all will work out... eventually... because the Lord really helped us move here. So there must be a reason. But right now? I just feel stuck. I feel so out of place and away from home. I miss Hickory. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones, but I have never felt this homesick before!

A Moving Poem

2011-06-24T21:37:00.000-04:00

Moving Day

It’s packing, sorting, selling time
Our house has become a zoo
What goes where, what to keep...?
My mind is full of things to do!

Time to fix the paint and clean the fridge,
Take vinyl off the walls.
But do it all on tiptoe
So the packed box tower doesn’t fall!

You may think this sounds easy
It’s only 3 bedrooms, after all.
But all I want to do is SLEEP,
Eat junk food, whine, and bawl

Because my husband’s hurt both shoulders,
He can hardly lift a thing,
And if you think that that’s bad luck
Meet my pregnant, growing belly.

But there’s a light through darkness
This move is not in vain.
Our house right now is dangerous
And we hate our neighbor, Mr. Sain.

Plus, Ben’s transferring to Greensboro
And the Lord confirmed the change.
He helped us find a townhouse fast
And all our business to arrange.

But we’ll really miss this small town,
The parks and streets that we've bragged of,
And especially the people
Whom we’ve come to know and love.

Thanks for all your friendship,
Your support, and understanding.
Without your help before and now
Who knows where we’d be standing!

For now our growing family moves
But all friends and memories stay
In our minds, forevermore
We’ll meet again one day.

So wish us luck, that’s what we’ll need
In the days and weeks to come
To move in well and find new friends
AND TO FORGET ALL THESE PROBLEMS!

Tired.

2011-06-22T04:58:00.001-04:00

MISSING:

sleep.

one of my favorite things.

LAST SEEN:

two weeks ago.

thanks, Baby.

REWARD IF FOUND!

I'll give you a really big hug. And my last Granny Smith apple.

Happy Father's Day, Ben!

2011-06-20T14:50:00.001-04:00

We had so much fun celebrating our first Father's Day with a child in mind!
I realized during the day that Mother's Day is about the thought and gifts, Father's Day is about the food. Thus....

b.r.e.a.k.f.a.s.t.

Buttermilk Pancakes for breakfast with 100% pure MI Maple Syrup

(A gift from his parents which we opened for the first time this morning. Ben has really been looking forward to this!)

PS- He actually made breakfast for me! He usually has a leadership meeting an hour before church so we drive in separately, but yesterday they canceled the meeting so he came home, all dressed, and made pancakes while I got ready! Thanks, Hon!

l.u.n.c.h.

Homemade vegetable egg rolls!
We have made these before and loved them, but I couldn't find the recipe this time. We made up our own, and it was great!

Ingredients

Cabbage head
2-4 large carrots
Onion
Soy Sauce
Ginger
Vegetable Oil
Wonton wrappers
Glass of water

Directions:

Slice desired amount of cabbage across entire head to shred (about 3 cups) and put in a mixing bowl.
Grate carrots with a potato peeler and add to bowl.
Thinly slice desired amount of onion and add to bowl.
Pour a few squirts of soy sauce and a few shakes of ginger in the bowl and stir around to coat.
Lightly cook entire contents of bowl in a skillet, turning for even cooking, until wilted.
Place wonton wrappers in front of you, add a couple tbs. of vegetable mix to the center

Wet your fingers in the glass of water and touch against the edge of the wrapper.
Fold the wrapper up, on each side, and down to completely cover the inside.

(Ben is the best at this. If the wrappers aren't really tight, some leftover cooking liquid

may come out of the edges into the oil... bad news!)

Drop into medium-heated oil and turn until cooked on all sides

Enjoy!

We really enjoyed making these together and eating them outside in our backyard (before we move away from it....) It was a perfect Sunday and Father's Day activity/ lunch!

d.i.n.n.e.r.

I have been advised to gain lots of weight during my pregnancy, so I keep track of the calories I eat every day. I have been way below the recommended daily amount, so our diet has had to adjust a little to our current... situation.

AKA: We are no longer strict vegetarians.

Every couple of days (still trying to keep it all in moderation...) we have meat as part of a meal, so Saturday we made a trip to the grocery store to get a pack of bratwurst and deli sub rolls for a special Father's Day dinner. There is nothing more sad to me right now than eating just two bratwurst of a pack of 5 alone in our disaster of a house, so we were welcomed over to our friends' house for a joint Father's Day dinner!

Ben did the cooking while Adam cleaned some dishes... Nice!

We just love our great friends, Ann and Adam. Thanks for being so welcoming and understanding to us while we've been going through all our life changes and packing mess!

HAPPY FATHERS DAY

to the amazing *almost* daddy I married, and all the wonderful men and fathers in our lives!

I love him!

2011-06-14T16:19:00.000-04:00

This afternoon I got a text message from Ben he'd sent at 7:00 am.

(when I finally turned my phone on for the day.)

He wanted to tell me about something that happened on his way to work, even though he knew there was no way I'd be up or responsive that early.

I can't explain why, but something that insignificant meant so much to me.

I love that he chooses me to share things with, at any time of day.

Like I'm his wife and his best friend, or something.

I am so happy this is the man I married and am starting a family with!

Time for the breathing exercises.

2011-06-13T13:50:00.001-04:00

My sister needs the closet space previously reserved for me in our Mom's house.
...
I cleaned out my stuff (grudgingly... I admit) and found a super-cute red animal print skirt from Express I'd loved as a teenager.
...
I get back home, wash it, and try it on to see if it still fits.
...
I lift my shirt to see the waistline in the mirror.
...
My waistline is thicker.
...
I have a baby bump.
...
Noticeably.

i'm.freaking.out.

This is happening so fast! I'm only 14 weeks, and still find it hard to believe i'm even pregnant. Everyone warned me about the mood swings, nausea, and fatigue... but no one mentions the psychological roller coaster! This all still feels unbelievable. And my body is already changing?! When did this happen?

I need to keep reminding myself that this is normal and healthy.... I'm having a baby... normal and healthy... I'm having a baby...

I think I'd rather just skip to the I-swallowed-a-basketball stage.

Fun in the Georgia Sun w/ our Nice Camera!

2011-06-06T17:17:00.001-04:00

Last week Ben went on a business trip to Honduras and El Salvador. I chickened out about being home alone, and pregnant, so I spent the week in Georgia with my sister and her family (they are about to move to SLC, and I will miss them soooooooo much!!)

Ben and I are fortunate to have the best looking and most fun nieces and nephews ever (I dare you to dispute me. Seriously. Just try.)

Here are the three I was around all week:

One day Brett tried doing a fun photo shoot with the kids. As you can see from my pictures,

it was more chaotic than productive. But at least I got these fun candids!

And we spent one afternoon at the beach on St. Simon's Island! It was nice to be at the beach,

but my nausea was still acting up and I was good for little more than sitting in a chair at the water break.

The wind kicked up and the waves got stronger, and even that started to make me motion sick!

I did have a lot of fun testing out new photo techniques on the awesome camera we never use, though!

(My goal is to be as good as my SIL, Sarah, by the time we have our baby.)

e.l.i.z.a.

This little girl has such an infection smile and cute chubby limbs that she is the best comforter for any bad mood.

j.a.c.k.

Jack is awesome. He's not sure if he's a big kid or a toddler, and it is so fun watching him discover what he likes and doesn't like.

c.a.t.h.e.r.i.n.e.

This leader-of-the-pack can be overly wise and dramatic for her age. I can see her being a really good friend one day.

t.h.e.f.a.m.i.l.y.

I love all of them so much, and will miss them incredibly when they move. Brett is one of my best friends, Ben and Ben talk all the time, and I am addicted to their kids.

Thanks for letting me crash on your couch for a week, tolerating my constant need for naps, and sharing my chicken noodle soup!

New Changes... Part 2

2011-06-02T22:18:00.000-04:00

Big announcement here, people!

We're having a baby!

(but you probably guessed that).

Ben and I found out the day after our anniversary that we are expecting a child! This is an answer to lots of prayers, and we are so excited and happy.

I am 12 weeks along, and have had a pretty rough time so far. Nausea and fatigue have ruled the last few weeks, and I can hardly get out of bed or off the couch (partly because I'm too tired to move, partly because I concentrate so hard on not vomiting that I'm afraid I will if I change my position.)

I try to eat whenever I can, but there are only a couple of things I'm willing to put in my body right now. (I've already lost 6 lbs, and the midwife wants me to gain up to 45 lbs during the pregnancy! Yeah, right!)

My Diet;

*Orange Juice

*Ginger Ale

*Cereal

*Mashed Potatoes

*Oatmeal

*Grits

*Chicken Noodle Soup

How awesome Ben is:
*He asks me every morning how I'm feeling

*He doesn't tease me for staying in bed so long

*He doesn't mind making his own dinner-- frequently frozen meals

*He will stop at the store or go with me to the store for whatever I crave that night

*He cleans the kitchen and cooks our food, b/c I can't stand the smell

*He cleans the house when I have no energy

*He makes sure I take my vitamins every day

*He arranges to make it to all my midwife appointments

*He insists I eat or drink as much as I can

*He researches what pregnancy is like in his spare time to be more sympathetic to me

*He waters my garden daily because I can't be in the kitchen long enough to put water in a bucket

*He prays for our baby every night

*When I feel emotional and angry he leaves to buy me flowers

*He does all of this without any prodding from me-- it is his natural, paternal reaction :)

We are so excited for December 14th!

New Changes... Part 1

2011-05-31T20:16:00.000-04:00

We have had the quite the last couple of weeks! We have a few announcements to make, and I'll put the first one in this post.

We are moving to Greensboro!

Ben's company has another office in Greensboro, and his boss warned us a while ago that he'd be moving the team over there. Neither of us were excited to go, and tried to avoid it as long as possible. We soon realized that the opportunity to move was really a blessing from the Lord.

Our Story:

We moved to Hickory last summer, and had very little time to find a decent place to rent. I really wanted to live in a house, so we limited our search to three-bedroom homes. We decided on one home that was built in the 70's and needed lots of love. I took a lot of time to repaint the walls and set up a comfortable home, but the continued structural problems made comfortable living difficult. Over the last few months our landlord has delayed and avoided making necessary repairs. Even though our lease is not officially up until the end of August, we agreed that living in the house was causing a lot of darkness and stress in our lives. We sent an e-mail to our landlord and asked him to consider breaking our lease early; allowing us to move on, and giving him the time and freedom to make repairs without tenants bothering him about it. The response we received was very hurtful, judgmental, and defensive. He refused our request. That made a bad situation absolutely toxic.

Ben and I thought of all our options: we compiled all extensive evidence showing our landlord's avoidance, consulted legal aid, considered the cost of moving out, etc. Ben's dad helped us understand that if the company insisted on a job transfer it could be a blessing from the Lord to get out of our house. Once we resigned ourselves to that fact and prayed that our landlord's heart would be softened, he conceded! Ben asked one more time if he was willing to let us break the lease early, and he replied with an apology and said we could work out leaving whenever we need to.

No matter how strong my testimony is, I am constantly strengthened through these experiences. I am overwhelmed and so happy to know that we were able to recognize a blessing from the Lord, and that He was willing to help us and bless us once we were willing to accept it!

Blessings from the Lord continued. We decided on a Thursday to accept the move to Greensboro and to go as soon as possible: The end of June. That Saturday we made our first (and thought our only) trip to town for house hunting. We were sure that we would rather have an apartment, condo, or townhouse after our disastrous experience with a house! We spent the entire day in appointments at various complexes in a great part of town that is about 15 min. from Ben's new office, but that weekend felt a strong impression that we should stay as close to Ben's office as possible. That way he could come home from work for lunch to spend extra time with his family-- very enticing, since he'll be working full-time and doing an online MBA this fall!

Well... that meant another trip to GSO for apartment-hunting! We made time to do it, and found the perfect place: a 1,200 sq ft. townhouse 5 minutes from Ben's office!

It is perfect! The owner is an early 30's single man who spent the last five years gradually updating the house. It feels completely modern and beautiful! It is the only place we saw that we wouldn't want to change a thing! Because he is moving unexpectedly, he was willing to rent it to us at a reduced rate-- double perfect!

We were pretty worried that our impression to move close to Ben's office would mean terrible housing options, but we were willing to take the chance because we felt that it was important. This AMAZING place and all it's perks just fell into our laps. It is truly incredible what blessings the Lord has in store for you when you submit your will to Him!

We also found out that the oldest National Park in the country is in Greensboro, and has great mountain biking and running trails, plus some lakes for kayaking :)

We are really excited!

Universal Studios!

2011-05-13T23:09:00.002-04:00

Last week my side of the family all met in Orlando, FL, to celebrate Mother's Day at Universal Studios/ Harry Potter World. It was a treat from my mom including a 3-day park pass, breakfast at the "Three Broomsticks", early admission to Harry Potter World, and a 4-night stay at a nearby hotel.

Tha Fam:

From L to R:

Ben, me, Mom, Andy, Megan, Noah, Brett, Ben

Kids L to R:

Will (10), Drew (4), Colin (7), Cat (almost 6), Eliza (14 mos), Jack (3)

Bringing 14 people together (including 6 kids aged 10-14 mos), driving 10 hours (each way), and spending three days in an amusement park is EXHAUSTING, but we had such a blast!

Check it out...

(Note: After hours of troubleshooting, the song attached is LITERALLY the only one that worked out of my entire iTunes library. I really do love my family.)

One of the top things about this trip is that it was in mid-May, the slowest time of the year! The longest we EVER had to wait in line was about 30 mins, which only happened twice. Every other time we basically spent the posted 5-min wait time walking to the front of the line and waiting for the next ride to come up. In a word: PERFECT.

Here is a vid to prove it of Ben, me, Brett, and Andy (the videographer) literally running the ENTIRE way to the front of a major roller coaster, Dueling Dragons, and being the only ones riding it!

Other highlights:

- Seeing Harry Potter World the first time... it was a really cool feeling.

- Drinking Butterbeer, the famous HP drink. It always sounded disgusting to me, but it is awesome!

- My nephew, Colin, was just old enough to be scared of almost every ride. He did decide to go on one slow roller coaster with me, though, and I got to see how excited he was afterward at how fun it was and how proud he was of himself. Great moment to witness!

- The Mummy rollercoaster (my favorite). It is fun from the begining, but in the middle turns into an indoor roller coaster the sends you rolling in the dark-- you never know what turns it will take!
- The Rockin' Roller Coaster. It lets you choose your own song to ride along to, which really customizes and enhances the amazing roller coaster experience

- Having my brother fly in from Cali. My sisters and I can get together pretty easily, but we were lucky to have him around, too.

- Celebrating Mother's Day with my siblings and Mom at Emeril's famous restaurant... The mushroom soup I ordered is one of the best soups I've ever had. And I'm a soup connosieur!

- Celebrating Andy's and Jack's b-days. Andy actually liked the QR code T-shirt I made him. Awesome! He is so hard to impress!

Thanks so much, Mom!

We love you, and everyone else we got

to spend time with!

(But we're not going back to Orlando any time soon...)

You'll love it.

2011-04-26T10:08:00.003-04:00

Dear Sarah,
This is what you missed while your were in the hospital having a beautiful baby girl.

This is dedicated to our newest niece, Elly Brynn!

Britain's Got Talent: Nursery Rhymes
(Sorry it won't let me embed. Don't be lazy: watch it anyway!)

Everyone HAS to see this video... I almost got teary it made me so happy!

Spring is here!

2011-04-14T12:13:00.000-04:00

When Ben and I came back from Korea we were greeted with warm temperatures and plenty to do with it!

I researched and bought everything necessary to make a container garden and

set it all up: tomatoes, strawberries, cilantro, basil, squash, zucchini, and bell peppers.

I can't wait until these guys grow up!

We finally used the carwashing kit Ben won at a White Elephant party at work last Christmas.

We washed both cars, and they look GREAT!

Ben hung the hammock he bought me in Belize before we were engaged.

It's now my favorite spot :)

Yard work... I'm glad my husband doesn't mind it :)

Yay for warm weather!

One Year Older and Wiser, Too... Happy ANNIVERSARY to US!

2011-04-07T15:59:00.000-04:00

On April 2nd we celebrated our one-year anniversary!!!!!

And what a year it's been :)

We were sealed...

Moved to Hickory, NC...

T.R.A.V.E.L.S.

We went to Costa Rica...

And Nicaragua...

Norway...

New York...

Petoskey, MI....

Korea...

T.R.Y.I.N.G. N.E.W. T.H.I.N.G.S.

Bungee Jumping...

Walked a mile-high bridge...

Climbed an icecap (in flip-flops)...

Ben taught Suz how to rock climb...

Camping at Grandfather Mtn....

Snowmobiling...

Ben bought a kayak...

Climbed the highest Mtn east o' the Mississippi...

Suz started a business....

H.O.L.I.D.A.Y.S.

Halloween....

Christmas...

New Years...

(No pic of Valentine's Day. I'm sure you understand)

If the pictures didn't tell our story well enough, we have been super busy. We love adventure and trying new things, and always together. Ben is my best friend, and we are so lucky to be so in love. What an amazing journey we've started on, and I can't wait to see what we accomplish in the future!

Seoul, Korea Temple

2011-03-31T22:44:00.001-04:00

The Seoul, Korea temple is obviously an important place for Ben. He was "born" into his mission in the temple area-- a church and missionary housing right across the lawn from the temple. He got to go pretty frequently during his mission, but the Shinchon area will always have a special place in his heart.

He was so excited and proud to bring me to the temple! We waited for our visit until Ben was done with his plant visits-- Thursday morning-- instead of trying to pack it in on a free night after work. We got to spend some extra time around the grounds, and I am so glad we had this special time together in Ben's mission area on the week of our anniversary!

The temple has amazing landscaping. The bushes and trees are all very ornately and traditionally trimmed. It was so beautiful to see how, inside and out, the temple has subtle hints of Asian.

I was really nervous to go into a foreign temple! I had to be personally shown where to go for everything. Luckily the LDS people worldwide are very helpful and understanding. No one minded my innoncence : ) Even when my English translating box exploded in high-pitched squeels....

Happy anniversary!

And the joke's on me! ... Twice.

2011-03-31T21:04:00.001-04:00

Namdeamun Market:

"The woman at the Myungdung Shopping Center Information Station insists on giving me two new maps to get across the street to the market. These go in my purse in addition to the one from my hotel this morning, the hotel yesterday, and the two given to Ben at Indadong last night. Do they have a quota to reach? Does the government award funds to organizations that give away the most maps to tourists or something?

"Everything imaginable and unimaginable is available in Namdaemun Market. Ginseng root shaped like a human body; everywhere. Duct tape in every color and texture? I pass two stalls in the first five yards.

"The stall owners don't crowd or bother as much as other countries in this competitive atmosphere, but I still keep my earphones in until I'm at a stall where I want to ask about something in particular. That affords me some peace in this bustling area.

"I pass an entire street of knock-off accessories and wonder if any of the name brands I'd seen every fashionable Korean wear have been real or fakes. Before I know it I've passed from purses to octopus. Smelling dried fish and seeing lives ones in baskets is something I've never gotten used to... Well, best intentions! Ugh.... The end of the street is a long way away to hold my breath!"

Gyeongbokgung Changing of the Guard

I was standing outside of the palace taking these pictures, when an older Korean man says to me "You should go inside." I say, "I will...I will..." thinking he means I should see the actual palace, not just stand outside of it. But I do go inside, and realize that the real changing of the guard was taking place inside the palace gate! There was a huge to-do of prancing and pacing by men in colorful dresses and feathered hats. Not something I would have wanted to miss! Thanks, old man. You got me.

Samcheongdong Gallery Street

Next door to the palace (which happens to be in the center of town) is Samcheongdong, a... dare I say, romantic shopping district. It is a windy road of low, architectural buildings and beautiful trees. Because it was windy, you can only see a portion of beautiful road at a time, making it very small and romantic feeling, instead of overwhelming like many large-building-ed, high-traffic areas of Seoul. Many of the buildings are art museums. Absolutely beautiful. The remaining buildings are either restaurants (very high class ones offering "couple views" at the top) or expensive boutique stores. Couples, hand in hand (rare in Korea) are everywhere. I love it.

As it turns out, I had been obsessed with the plan of eating dinner one night at a restaurant I read about online: Beadanbaji. After a few days of asking around and ending up somewhere else, we discovered that the restaurant was in Samcheongdong! I was so excited to go back there on my own date night with Ben :)
Unfortunately, the restaurant had lost its "quaint" lodgings and is now on a floor of the owner's house. Oh no! We spent our week hanging our hopes on this restaurant, finally find it and it's in someone's living room? No, thank you! We will never forget that ironical experience.

"I think a taxi is more better."

2011-03-30T18:47:00.001-04:00

I decided on Tuesday that I wanted to try my hand at using the subway system, and asked the hotel employees for help with directions to the area I wanted to see:

Them: You should take a taxi.

Me: I'd rather take the subway or bus.

Them: I think the taxi is more better.

Me: I want an adventure.

Them: This taxi driver says is very difficult to walk... He'll take you for $5.

Me: I'll take a taxi on the way home.

I finally get directions for the subway, and confidently make my way to the nearest station. Surprisingly, it is very easy and foreigner-friendly to use the train! All the signs are in Korean, Chinese, and English, there are easy-to-follow maps everywhere, and the different lines are all known by a color. Very easy to manage.

I check out a map to double-check I'm at the right place while waiting for the next train:

Old Man: Do you need any help?

Me: No, I think I've got it. I'm taking this line for one stop, getting off to transfer to orange, then taking orange for 3 stops until Anguk to get to Bukchon.

Old Man: Yes, you have it.

Yay!

The subway takes me to the stop I'd wanted, and the sunshine that meets me outside feels like freedom. I had wanted to go to Bukchon Village -- an area situated between three palaces famous for maintaining the old Korean style of architecture and way of living-- but soon realize the hotels guys took me to Bukchon neighborhood, not village. Oh well-- wherever I am, I got myself here. And I love it.

Bukchon turns out to be a really fun little pocket of Seoul. I'm happy to see a couple guesthouses along the way. Hostels are almost always in the fun, quirky part of town. I saw cute stores, local people, houses and restaurants. It was where people are just people.

I had an entire conversation with that shop owner. All I needed to use in Korean was, "Hello", "I like." How much money?", "Korean", "No." and "Thank you." All she used was "Homemade." It was simple, but it was dialog! I started to slip in some "Si"s and "Cha", mixing in old Spanish and Khmer to the conversation-- that's the bad part of traveling: I have bits and pieces of all languages stuck in my head! Can I create my own Yiddish?!

I even stopped by one of the cultural palaces: Cheongbukchon. It was cool. I was so impressed with the level of detail and art from centuries ago in this palace... We just don't take our palaces that seriously in America.

That night the supplier Ben had spent the day with called me to ask me to meet he and Ben at the 63 building (named because it is the only building around with 63 stories.) It has a viewing deck, an aquarium, movie theater, and wax museum!

I hurriedly changed to something nicer and took the first taxi I could find to the building. Ben has put a lot of energy into working with this supplier, and I didn't want to ruin this experience for him!

When I got there, it turns out the supplier didn't even plan on staying! It is typical for a supplier to "wine and dine" potential clients (like Ben), but he just took off!

So Ben and I paid the expensive fare to get to the viewing deck/ Art museum alone, in our nice clothes. But this city is important enough to Ben that it was definitely worth it.

Driving back into town for dinner Ben tells the taxi driver to take us to Anguk train station, our restaurant was close by.

Me: Anguk? I know that place! I went to that station today to get to Bukchon!

As we drive around, I realize that the extensive, important subway trip I was so proud to have planned and executed was about a 20 min. straight-shot walk from our hotel.

Darn it all.

While You Were Sleeping....

2011-03-29T18:45:00.001-04:00

We are 13 hours ahead of the East Coast, so let me tell you about my days wandering this incredibl(y confusing) town while Ben works.

Ben: Should I charge the company $100 to get my laundry done at this hotel?

Suz: That's ridiculous. Let's buy some detergent and I'll do it in the bathtub.

Ben: So you'll wash my clothes today?

Suz: Yes... Geez, I take a bath, I watch TV, I do your laundry... It's like I'm a housewife even on vacation!

Ben: No, you're on vacation when you're a housewife. You have it backwards.

After doing laundry (can you Belize-it?), I took the free hotel shuttle to a great little area called Itaewon. It is a multi-cultural shopping and eating area, so everyone thinks foreigners should go. Luckily I didn't see many foreigners, because I tend to get lost down alley ways when left to my own devices : )

The alley I decided to take turned out to be a residential street, which gave me great insight to the types of buildings and ways of living people have here. I absolutely LOVE seeing where people live, and especially the types of trees they have growing in their yard... hee hee.

It took me to the antique section of town, for which Korea is famous. Wow! I love antiques, and was in heaven seeing antique stores in Seoul. Most shopowners here speak English, as well, so I got to sit down with a very nice woman at one store and talk about antiques from around the world (since most of hers were from American 1950's era).

Isn't getting lost the BEST?!

I also happen to buy this AWESOME shirt for only $9!

To buy:
~~Cool Clothes~~

Present for Drew

Silver chopsticks

Marriage ducks

Art

Sunday in Korea

2011-03-28T22:57:00.001-04:00

We got in to Seoul around 5 pm on Saturday. We were picked up by a representative of the plan Ben came to work with, who drove us the hour into town and took us to an amazing Korean restaurant.

Unfortuantely, I was EXHAUSTED. I had been traveling for the past 20 hours, and not slept at all (despite taking two OTC sleeping pills... ugh)! We slept in the next morning as late as possible, then had to get ready for church.

Ben spent 13 months in the same area as a missionary, so we were excited to visit that ward and check in on everyone.

The church is in the middle of the city, and used to have the only lawn in the whole area. We were met outside of the door by members Ben had known, and he was pretty shocked to go on a tour and see all that has been built up in the church's backyard since he lived here.

Everyone was so excited to see him again! They even announced from the podium that we would both share our testimonies. Yikes. I was shaking I was so nervous, but I was glad for the opportunity to thank them for their help with Ben. This area was so important to him, and I know I owe a lot of his testimony to them. Ben translated my testimony, which made them love him even more!

No matter where you go, the church is the same. It may be a strange looking building, the people may speak another language or where different clothes, and the culture may have a different protocol for praying, but the church is true, and people are rejoicing all over the world. That is what is important.

After walking back to our hotel after church we decided to spend the day sightseeing.

Old meets new, East meets West, Man-made meets Nature, city meets mountains, and art meets business in this bustling area of international development.

One of the first things we had to do was buy a copy of Ben's most memorable Korean Book: The Tale of the Mole; Who Knew it was None of His Business. (AKA "Did you do this on my head?")

Because Spring is coming and it was a Sunday, a city organization called "S-Day" organized some free activities for the people walking around the area. Balloons, stilts walkers, Korean magicians, dress- up outfits, and a free bus tour.

Another area we walked to was Isadong Market. It is best known for being full of handicrafts and local, cultural goods and foods.

Despite the blistery wind, it felt wonderful to peruse this city with local Koreans. We only saw a few foreigners, and even the locals carried DSLR cameras around their necks. We got to be ourselves, and even sort-of fit in (as much as two tall white people in odd clothing, one of whom speaks perfect Korean can fit in).

It seems as though the city would be confused, but this jumble of architectural, artistic, and natural elements combine perfectly to create a melodic chaos. It has a sort of flow... Be who you are, but fit in. Stand out, but be sincere. Be modern, but remember your heritage.

Ben asked if this city reminds me of any I'd visited before. No, I said. Seoul is a city unique in itself.

Uncle Ben is in India!

2011-03-22T17:08:00.001-04:00

Ben is in India this week, and I'm hanging with my sis in Georgia while he's there. I'm pulling carrots from the garden, making crafts and sewing clothes, eating really good food, doing Zumba, and exhausting myself with three adorable children.

But on to the exciting stuff. Ben is in Bangalore, nicknamed the Silicon Valley of India because it is the center of development and technology. That means it is relatively clean and foreigner-friendly (the exact opposide of my experience in the more touristy Delhi and Agra. I'm glad he's having a better time!) So he's loving it.

Here are some pictures he's sent me so far:

I'm not really sure who any of those people are...

Ben, you are welcome to come into this post and give us some insight about your adventures!

And a couple fun videos:

We love you, Ben, and hope you have a great trip! Glad you made it there safe!

Meat and Potatoes, Vegetarian style!

2011-03-07T15:58:00.000-05:00

A couple years ago a member of the ward I grew up in made the most amazing meatballs I've ever had for my family, and I finally got the recipe from her!

This dish is so amazing that I just had to find a way to vegetarian-ify it. And yes, folks, it can be done!

Vegetarian meatballs:

Ingredients:

1 pkg. soy crumbles (or 1 lb. of ground beef... if you're into that stuff...)
1 cup Italian bread crumbs
1 egg
1/2 cup milk
2 tsp. Salt
1 pinch pepper
3 mozzarella sticks, cut in thirds.
Spaghetti Sauce

Directions:

Mix together well and shape into tennis ball-sized balls.
Push two pieces of mozzarella sticks side-by-side into the balls.
Cover sticks completely
Bake at 350 for 40 mins.
15 mins. before meatballs finish, add spaghetti sauce to the pan

I admit that I was pretty nervous about this recipe, but they were amazing! Ben ate four for dinner!

Seriously, you have to try these meatballs. Meat or no meat, they just can't be beat :)