Friday, April 27, 2012

Over the 26-week Hump, and Happier Than I Ever Imagined Being!

For weeks when I feel Dragon move inside of me I  drop what I'm doing to grab my camera phone for a video or have Ben, or whomever I'm around, feel my belly.  The movement is always unbelieveable- so firm and hard, and I am impressed every time that a person is inside of me and capable of that sensation, despite all the times I've felt it before. 

I usually feel ashamed, like a liar, when Dragon suddenly stops moving so incredibly as the camera comes out, I look down, or Ben tries to feel.  I have been saying, "Oh... he just got shy. Sorry!" But I always want to explain how incredible it was- as if that's the same thing. 

I have really wished that others could be a part of his incredible growth and the personality he shows me in those kicks and jabs, but today (last Saturday) I realized why he doesn't. Ben and I are both spending the day in the office, he is studying while I read a book, and Dragon was, again, moving so hard my book would move off of my stomach. I would stop what I was doing, pull the book away to watch him and tell Ben to touch it. As we both put our concentration on my belly Dragon always stopped. Finally I said to Ben, "Oh, He just wants attention! Now that he has our concentration he doesn't need to move anymore." 

It's as if when he moves he is trying to get my attention, then is so pleased he can relax once he has it. I recognize that quality in myself, too. I can whine and kick until Ben pays me the attention I want and so softly tells me that he loves me and what do I need? Maybe Dragon needs love as much as I do. Maybe he loves and needs me the way I love and need him. We all need someone to give us absolute attention and devotion, even babies and mommies. 

video

And I do love him, with no reservations. I didn't realize I had fears until they were all over! My tests have come back with good results, I feel Dragon move every day, his ultrasound finally shows a healthy, normal baby, and we are past the 26 week mark of losing Eleanor. I let out a huge sigh of relief that, at this point, all signs point to a wonderful pregnancy and delivery of a healthy child, and that, even if he was born now, he would survive with medical help.  It is a relief I didn't realize I was waiting for, but now that the time is here every sign is pointing toward letting go of any fear and loving this child as if he were already in my arms.  

 I was missing out on so much joy, but I'm glad the moment finally broke out in me!

Getting 3D pictures of him have made me so happy.  I can not stop looking at them and marveling at this baby! The combination of these adorable, realistic photos and feeling him move really help me get to know him as an individual- in his own right. 

For so long I have been concerned that, after all we have been through and seen of Eleanor, my connection with him would never be as strong as with her.  I can now see and feel that he is his own person (not just any person, but our person- with Ben's nose and my strange sleeping positions).  I am getting to know him in a completely different way but one just as real as Eleanor, and I can glimpse into the future that our love for him will surpass ours for her while we hold, raise, and nurture him to adulthood. 

It is such an incredible feeling to swell with so much love and excitement for my baby!

The pic on the left is our favorite.  He looks so sweet with those chubby cheeks :)
The pic on the right is sort of creepy with the shading, but ignore that- this one shows his arms and face in such amazing detail! I love his bottom lip and chin!

Is this not the most adorable child you've ever seen?!?! Can't you just imagine how wonderful he'll be when he's born?



4 comments:

  1. Cool pictures! Thanks for sharing :-)

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  2. It is so amazing how much we can see of a child that is still inside your body. Those scans are so cool!

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  3. It is so amazing how much we can see of a child that is still inside your body. Those scans are so cool!

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  4. SOO adorable!! I love that you can see what you're baby looks like before you even get to hold him :) He's a cutie!

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