Roller Coaster....

On Saturday our daughter, Eleanor Seoul, was born.  After a routine check-up on Friday morning we found out that she had stopped growing at 21 weeks, and would need to be delivered and buried. Friday was the hardest day we have both ever experienced, but by Saturday we had a strong testimony that we were helping Eleanor fulfill the Plan of Salvation.  We felt a confirmation that she was sent to us for a body, and, as soon as she developed her major organs and was old enough to be classified as a baby by medical and church standards, she knew she didn't need to progress any further.

Luckily her delivery was very easy and painless.

We have ridden on the wings of our testimonies these last few days.  We are so surprised at this news, disappointed that our plans for her are on hold, and struck with the reality of changing our routines and expectations, but are also faced with countless details pointing to the one and only explanation: This was Heavenly Father's plan for our daughter, and we are grateful to have been a part of something so specific.

That knowledge has brought us comfort.  I'm surprised that I can even get out of bed in the morning, but I'm happy to report I'm doing much better than that.  Unfortunately, though, no amount of logic or spirituality can comfort my empty arms. I spend most of my day at 50%-- halfway  between feeling grateful and understanding, and completely losing it.  Usually I can keep it just barely above the sadness line and in to the understanding portion, but the moments of depression still come at unexpected times.

I expect that to last for a while.

Ben's Home!

Two weeks ago Ben had arthroscopic shoulder surgery to re-attach the badly torn ligament (the labrum) he had torn when his shoulder dislocated a few years ago.  His shoulder continues to get re-injured, so a Dr. suggested surgery to permanently fix the tear, and we decided that surgery should happen as soon as possible, so he can be fully healed when the baby is born.

Because of a strict pain meds, cold pack, and eating schedule, plus the limitation of being in extreme pain when his right arm/ shoulder move at all, Ben has been working from home since the surgery. 

I was a little nervous about that, at first... I work from home, he's working from home, and it's a small home. Except for vacations and weekends, we have never spent so much time around each other before!

I have to say, though, it is fantastic.  After a year and a half of marriage and all we've been through together, we get along so well! We are truly best friends, and have had so much fun sitting on our own ends of the couch, occasionally talking and taking breaks together, but mostly just sharing space and feeling the love in the room. 

I love you, Ben! 

some f.u.n.n.y. stuff from this week:

I spent an entire day cleaning the entire house, Ben washes his hands in the downstairs bathroom...

Suz: "Notice how nice and clean the bathroom is."

Ben: "Wow! I didn't know the bathroom could look this good!"

Suz: "Well, that sort of insults every other time I've cleaned the bathroom."
Ben: "Wow! I forgot the bathroom could get this clean!"

{Later that day we were both in the upstairs bathroom}

Ben: "Wow! This bathroom is so clean!"

:)

We were sitting on the couch both on our computers.... 

Thing 1: "CNN is reporting that 3 people were killed and 6 injured during a shooting at an iHop in Nevada."
Thing 2: "I shot a man in prison just to watch him die."

Thing 1: "Is that what you tell your friends at Folsom?"
Thing 2: "What? I don't actually know where that line came from...." 
Thing 1: "It's a famous song by Johnny Cash on his album Live From Folsom Prison." 
Thing 2: "Oh, I thought it was from Wings." 

Thing 1: "LOL... Can I put that on the blog?"
Thing 2 : "No! I want people to think I know Johnny Cash."

Thing 1: "What if I don't give our names?"

Thing 2: "Well, ok.  Because people will assume it was you." 

After two weeks, Ben's pain has gone down, he is taking Ibuprofen instead of hard meds, and he's comfortable driving an automatic, so he's back at work :(

I miss you, Honey! 

Baby Latest... 25 weeks!

{this post is dedicated to Eve; the latest person to encourage me to get off my butt and update you!}

Holy Cow... 25 weeks!!

~13.5 in. long

~1.5 lbs. 

the B.U.M.P.

{Ben took these pix of me in front of a white sheet thrown over our projector screen.  They are all on his Blackberry, since our nice camera takes two hands, and his right arm is still in a sling from surgery.  Way to improvise, right?}

so E.X.C.I.T.E.D.

I am so so so so stinking excited for this little girl.  I think about her all.the.time.!!!  I have compiled a playlist of songs that remind me of her, or of being a new parent, to listen to to help control my random baby thoughts.  Most of the songs make me cry... they are so sweet, and our baby girl is so perfect. I am constantly crying while I'm driving, on my computer at home, going for a walk.... Because I listen to that music all day long! I love that music can add some cohesion to the random flood of emotions, thoughts, and words that make up life.  Thank you, music. 

Listen to my ultimate baby song here.

so P.R.E.P.A.R.E.D.

my AMAZING sister, Brett, has offered to make some baby clothes for us! She is so creative and handy with a sewing machine, and I have been admiring her kid's clothes for years.  I am so stoked for the opportunity to get whatever I want! I have decided on a few different dress/ skirt ideas (remember I design my own onesies), and even a nursing tunic.  Here is what I've picked out:

I figure we will get plenty of pink-ish things as gifts, so I'm going for other "girly" looks that I can control-- turquoise, gold, purple, and gray! I can't wait to see what Brett comes up with :)

Also.... We got our crib delivered and set-up! 

I've designed and re-decorated the guest room/ baby nursery, but Ben really wanted to be the one to set up her crib.  He just had shoulder surgery, so everything was done with just his left hand! 

Something about having her crib set up makes the nursery feel so real.  I can just imagine our precious girl sleeping in it soon! I am totally crazy about this crib.  It is the DaVinci Alpha Mini Crib. 

Features:

-The only crib with a rocking bottom (with stoppers) to rock the baby back to sleep

-Includes casters and is slim to easily move between rooms (eliminating the need for a separate bassinette to keep in our room when she is a newborn)

-Teething guard on both sides

-4 adjustable sizes

-Great for use up to about 18 months, then we can transition to a real bed

-As a mini crib, takes up less room than traditional cribs.  We need all the space we can squeeze out of this dual room!

so A.N.N.O.Y.E.D.

As you can see, I haven't gained a ton of weight during this pregnancy.  In fact, I'm not even 10 lbs. over my pre-pregnancy weight.  Sounds great, but, to be honest, I can't wait to be huge! I try to eat throughout the day, I have a protein shake with a meal every day, switched back to eating some meat (especially fatty stuff like bacon and sausage) all in an effort to gain weight.

So I'm actually pretty sensitive to people saying I don't look pregnant. 

I know it is a cultural thing to be as fit as possible, so maybe people say things like, "You're pregnant? Where?" "You can't be too far along." "Where are you hiding the baby?" "You're so small!" as a way to be nice.  Sure, anyone else would take that as a compliment-- whether it's sincere or not.  But don't be nice to me.  It may be small, and not visible unless I'm wearing a fitted shirt, but I DO have a baby bump, and I'm very proud of it! 

Hearing those things makes me feel like a bad mom.  I do not care about my image more than the health of my baby. Yes, I'm eating.  No, I don't diet. I'm trying to be the best mom I can be already-- which means putting my feet up as much as possible and eating whatever I want (usually with whipped cream). 

So just try to be understanding, ok? 

Wow... Sorry for the mind dump! I hope you all still love me :) 

The Latest Baby News

We have been busy planning for baby lately!

23 weeks:

the size of a saghetti squash!

12 inches long, 1.24 lbs.

First, some sad news.  I have two close friends who each had to emergency deliver their babies: one at 24 weeks, the other at 26 weeks.  One baby didn't survived and one stayed in the ICU for four months.  I haven't been able to stop thinking about those friends and their experiences, and, as a new mom, it really worries me! So I've been really eager for the time that I would feel our daughter moving so I would be able to feel daily that she was growing and healthy.  

I'm 23 weeks and haven't felt the baby move yet. I found out this week that because of the position of the baby inside my body I may not feel her much at all-- even when she gets bigger and close to delivery! That is a major disappointment for me (and Ben... we aren't sure if her movements will ever be strong enough for him to feel, either).  

I'm concerned about knowing daily that she is ok, so I bought a fetal doppler so we can hear her heartbeat any time we want!

This is the Sonoline B.  It was pretty inexpensive, and has great reviews.  I am so excited! her heartbeat is always really strong at my midwife appointments, so I love that we can hear it any time now!

Now for the fun stuff... s.h.o.p.p.i.n.g!

In other ways of preparation, we have been doing tons of research on necessary baby items.  I read all the reviews of items I can get my hands on, and we've asked a lot of mothers we know for their baby must-have recommendations.  We're compiling all our ideas into an Amazon Baby Registry!

Check out our list, and please let us know if there is something we've left off! (We are new parents, after all.)

Baby Girl O'Brien's List

our r.e.a.d.i.n.g. list

We've also started our parenting research! I thought it was so thoughtful when Ben ordered these books online:

This book challenges a lot of "instictual" parenting techniques.  Ben heard some of it included in an economics book, and his sister recommended we read the entire book.  It really is incredible! We highly recommend it to anyone with children of any age.

This book tells Ben what is going on with me, the baby, him, and what he could/ should be doing week-by-week.  It said that, at this stage of the pregnancy, the baby is moving regularly and responds to her environment.  The author said he would poke his wife's belly once and say "One", then twice and say "Two".  He said the baby would poke back the same number of times, so while we were both reading on the couch Ben decided to turn to me and start poking and yelling at my belly! It didn't work, and I wish he'd warned me, but I love his enthusiasm! 

We are so so so so excited for this little girl, and just pray constantly for her health! We can't wait to meet her!

Our New House in Greensboro!

Apparently we have "loyal blog followers" and apparently they are upset I haven't updated lately! Well.... you're absolutely right.  The past month has been one of those "We-are-so-busy-I-have-so-much-to-say-and-pictures-to-show-that-I-can't-possibly-begin-so-I-may-as-well-sleep-in-instead" sort of months.  You dig?

The month has been filled with my f.a.v.o.r.i.t.e. things: travel, decorating, work, and baby!


We'll start with the LOTS of re-decorating I've done (and re-done) in our new townhouse in Greensboro. I'm sort of proud of it... We really feel at home here!

t h e l i v i n g r o o m 

My favorite thing about the house is the view from our couch.  I love the book corner we have, the armchair wall's color/ texture combo, and a glimpse of the hallway collage.  The goal was to make the rest of the house as homey feeling as those few nooks!

t h e h a l l w a y

We've been given more compliments on the hallway picture design than any other part of the house.  Strange, since it was the fastest, easiest thing I did.  I'm trying not to be offended.  It's mostly the odds 'n ends pictures I wanted to display but didn't have a place for!

t h e d i n i n g r o o m

I think the dining room/ kitchen is what sold Ben on getting this place. Our landlord installed real tile floors, added the chair rail, very modern light fixtures and appliances, and modern, clean paint colors.  

t h e k i t c h e n

Compared to the galley kitchen we had in Hickory, I love how open and light this kitchen is! I love all the counter space for my special cooking things, and the upper space available to display our china. 

o u t s i d e 

We bought the landlord's patio furniture because we liked it so much :) It looks like another room out here, even though it is too hot to actually eat outside very often. 

u p s t a i r s b a t h r o o m

Newly installed green and white tiles, new vanity and mirror, modern light fixtures, etc.  

Very modern and chic!

Sorry... no camers inside the bedroom! (But trust me, it looks great.) And I've been working really hard on the baby's room, but I won't post pictures until it's all finished!

Thanks for coming to visit our new place!

2 Good Things About Greensboro

After being sort of brutal to this city, I owe it an apology... After extensive research, we have found at least a couple fun things to do.

thing 1

eastern music festival

There are a few youth orchestras as part of the Eastern Music Festival that meet here for summer music camps and give free concerts of the classic pieces they are learning around the city every Sunday.  

We went to one last Sunday on the grounds of Guilford College. It was a cool campus, so the night doubled as our Sunday afternoon walk! 

In the middle of the college courtyard is this amazing structure by a famous N.C. artist called "The Hornet's Nest." This artist makes structures around the country out of all natural materials-- no nails or glue, etc-- and leaves them up for a specific amount of time before they would disintegrate.  This one was inspired by the campus and will be on display until Feb. 2012. 

There was  a huge crowd there.  It was so fantastic to see small children jumping around to the classic orchestra, dads playing frisbee with kids, and people sharing picnics. 

I love any place where we can find free, music, art all in the same place! Now that is one perfect Sunday afternoon! This sort of cultural, community activity is exactly what we love and look for.  

thing 2

Free bike rental at Bur-Mil Park

There are a few large parks around Greensboro (not the 27 we're used to in Hickory....), and one is Bur-Mil park. It is huge, and dedicated to different sports.  There are a few protected finishing lakes, hiking and mountain biking trails, a family pool complex, picnic shelters, a wildlife education center, wedding pavilion, etc. 

Dasani sponsors this park, so they have provided free

 bikes and helmets any person can check out for the day.  

I just hit the 18 week mark; I'm officially not supposed to bike or do other activities where I may lose my balance because my center of gravity is off.  I still trust myself, but we did stick to the 5-mi paved loop around  the back of the park. 

The trail was BEAUTIFUL! The trail was a good combination of up and downhill to be hard but manageable with some breaks and coasting.  We passed a few lakes, a bridge, flower fields, etc.  

We chilled with a picnic we'd brought, and Ben found a great space for us to slack line 

and throw a frisbee. 

It was a really great day.  Renting free bikes for a beautiful ride... 

How perfect is that?!?
Thanks, Dasani!

I guess we can stay. 

We are having a GIRL!

Yesterday I had my first midwife appointment at my new clinic in Greensboro, and had a great experience there. They immediately knew who I was, and gave me so much attention.  They even scheduled my anatomical ultrasound for TODAY! Just one day later! I love them!

So today Ben and I went to the Women's Hospital for our anatomical ultrasound, to check that the baby is growing and developing ok and find out the gender.  So.... Drum roll....

We are having a baby girl!

We're having a baby girl... we're having a baby girl... We are having a daughter... Our baby is a Girl... 

Our baby's cute profile.  She's an actual baby! This is so cool! 

You can't really tell in the picture, but we were told this shot is of the baby 

crossing her ankles together while kicking, which is sort of cute :) 

1st thought:

But we disagree on the girl names we've talked about so far... at least we were on the same page with the boy names... 

2nd thought:

Jackson was right.  Our almost 4-yr-old nephew has correctly predicted the last 3 babies in our family!

3rd thought:

Girl clothes are so much cuter than boy clothes.  I see a onesie with hot pink aviators in our daughter's future. 

Any name suggestions (be honest... you have them)  can be left in a comment here.  (but we still probably won't consider Hildegard or Michael, Mom.)